Unmasking My Truth: Autoethnography of Psychological Stress as a Black Woman in the Academy

Critical race theory

Critical race theory also referred to as CRT, explains how power, race, and society impact discrimination and inequalities through structural and institutional systems (Heilig et al., 2012). The intersectionality of race and gender form the basis for exploration in this autoethnography. CRT assumes that there are unique experiences that Black women face in the academy and that race is the driver of this experience. These unique experiences perhaps contribute to psychological stressors due to race and gender.

Black feminist perspective

Utilizing two major historical periods, the Civil Rights Movement and the Feminist Movement, the Black feminist perspective was birthed as the women’s movement that specifically addressed how racism and sexism oppress the Black woman. This perspective recognizes that Black women live in two different worlds. On one hand, Black women identify as a woman and in another, they identify as a Black woman; in which two experiences occur (Davis et al., 2018).

Strong Black woman schema

The role and perception of Black women can be historically rooted in the experiences of slavery and segregation. The overarching theme of this concept is that Black women have maintained strength despite forms of oppression brought on by social, cultural, and economic events throughout generations. Derived out of the strong Black woman (SBW) stereotype, SBW schema serves as a psychological coping mechanism as a result of the multiple roles and responsibilities faced at work, home, and within the community (Abrams et al., 2018).

Critical Race Theory

Critical race theory, or CRT, began as a form of legal scholarship in the 1970s in response to the achievements of racial equality during the Civil Rights Movement in addition to other political conflicts, including second-wave feminism and the Vietnam War (Price, 2010). There are five tenets of CRT: 1) racism as ordinary, 2) the critique of liberalism, 3) Whiteness as ultimate property, 4) interest convergence, and 5) the unique voice of color (Kolivoski et al., 2014). The tenets of racism as ordinary and the unique voice of color will be applied to this autoethnography in terms of my experiences and the reflection on each.

Two factors that have impacted the development of the theory are intersectionality and race as a social construction. While CRT is considered to be a newer theory in the field of social work, these factors are beneficial in supporting necessary research efforts. The term “intersectionality” is credited to CRT scholar and law professor, Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw. Intersectionality is best defined as the overlap of identities that may cause a conflict (Daftary, 2020; Delgado & Stefancic, 1993). These identities include race, class, gender, or sexual orientation. Oppression can exist within any of these identities, however, race often overshadows other identities because of its dominance and prevalence (Quinn & Grumbach, 2015). When combining the varying identities, intersectionality proves that different experiences and different interactions will occur.

Race is not a biological or genetic term. Race is a social construct that is based on people’s knowledge and perceptions of common physical or social attributes. For example, a person can identify as Black in the United States, but would be categorized as White in other countries due to the complexion of their skin. The social construction of race suggests that stereotypes are continually perpetuated as scientific reasoning and is disregarded by those in power (Kolivoski et al., 2014). Assumptions that are associated with the social construction of race include automatic privileges or acts of discrimination that ultimately places roles on individuals based on education, health, income, and overall quality of life. Thus, race is primarily used for social stratification (Quinn & Grumbach, 2015).

Black Feminist Perspective

The Black feminist perspective has placed Black women in a debate over the significance between race and gender, in terms of one being a priority over the other. Johnson-Bailey (2013) describes the Black feminist perspective as “the perpetual position of belonging and yet of not belonging as the basis for the consciousness of opposition that is woven into the fabric of the African American woman’s being” (p. 84). Applying a historical context to the role of Black women in slavery, civil rights, the workforce, and family structures, one would observe trends of strength, resilience, and resistance (Johnson-Bailey, 2013). Despite the stereotypical views of Black women from the slave era to present—of being obedient, passive, hostile, and lazy—the Black feminist perspective argues that Black women portray caretaking, independence, and restricted emotionality (Nelson et al., 2016). Woods-Giscombé (2010) provides a thorough review of Black feminist scholars who provide implications of the potentially negative impact on the identity of Black women regarding interpersonal, social, and emotional well-being. Exploring Black feminist perspective for my dissertation research assisted me with unmasking my stress and fears of being a Black woman who felt like she did not belong in academia without a doctorate. The explanation from Black feminist scholars provided me with the understanding that I do not have to believe in the negative words spoken to me. Negative comments shared with me over the years include that I am not allowed to say that I am overwhelmed by my workload because my White colleagues will use it against me; that my body language of standing in front of the class with my arms folded is seen as unwelcoming; and that my professional presence is the typical Angry Black Woman.

Strong Black Woman Schema

Similar to the historical, social, cultural, and economic influences of CRT among Black women, strong Black woman (SBW) schema carries comparable themes. Despite traumatic events of the past and sociohistorical influences that may have led to psychological distress, Black women have maintained strength (Abrams et al., 2014). Research demonstrates that the SBW schema has an overlap of a similar construct, including Superwoman Schema, Sojourner Truth Schema, and Sisterella Complex (Abrams et al., 2014).

Abrams et al. (2014, 2018) define the characteristics of SBW schema as the ability to embody multiple forms of strength (or having an obligation to exude strength), possessing self/ethnic pride despite intersectional oppression, embracing being every woman (providing self-care for others), and an anchor by religion and spirituality. For one to conceptualize SBW schema, there are five identifying factors: being independent, taking care of family and others, being hardworking and high achieving, overcoming adversity, and being emotionally contained (Nelson et al., 2016). Nelson et al. (2016) cite contextual factors that led to the identification of SBW schema: relationships with mothers and grandmothers and their experiences, as well as sociodemographic factors. In times of stressful situations, SBW schema indicates that Black women in academia default to wearing a mask of strength or containing emotions as opposed to processing and displaying emotion. In a multifaceted environment such as higher education, a Black woman may portray the role of caretaker for students and colleagues, therefore, not having the time and space to handle stressors from the workplace. Supporting literature to demonstrate a need for additional research in this area also strengthens the conceptual framework as outlined.

Gender Disparity in the Academy

A recurring theme from the literature demonstrates that there are gender biases and minority disparity among faculty of color in higher education. These biases and disparities not only exist in the number of faculty members within higher education but are detected through structural factors of the academy. Within the higher education system, 45% are women faculty, while within this sub-population, only 6% are Black women (NCES, 2017). Except for historically Black institutions and minority-serving institutions, White men hold the majority of leadership positions in the academy (Patton, 2016). Considering the gender disparity that exists within academia, one must consider the causes of the different experiences for men and women.

Of those who report gender discrimination, a vast majority are women (Cropsey et al., 2008). Research explores the concept of the glass ceiling, which is where women are only allowed to attain certain levels of advancement within the academy. The glass ceiling concept hypothesizes that women may have barriers to prevent them from reaching career growth in certain fields of the academy. While women may demonstrate the same interest and want the same opportunity as men in their respective fields, they tend to experience limitations from their institutions. This is due to an underrepresentation in leadership positions or lack of advancement in promotions because of barriers from the glass ceiling based on gender and race. These causes, among others, result in a high turnover rate for women.

Gender-based obstacles may influence differences in salary between men and women faculty, based on negotiations or gender-based benefits, such as flexibility with work schedule to meet work-family demands. Subsequently, one may associate dissatisfaction with the workplace with the potential for women to leave their institution or the higher education profession. Cropsey et al. (2008) assessed the influence of negative perceptions of the academy that included unrelatedness, moral distress, and lack of support. Additionally, Carapinha et al. (2017) and Cropsey et al. (2008) found that causes for gender disparity and high turnover rates were based on the following reasons: (a) dissatisfaction with research support, (b) advancement, (c) the ability to share ideas, (d) engagement, (e) relationships, (f) diversity and equity, (g) leadership, (h) institutional values and practices, (i) work-life integration, (j) compensation, (k) faculty credentials, (l) publication productivity, and (m) grant receipt. Many of these reasons for departure are also associated with identified structural factors that are associated with psychological stress for Black women. There are similarities between gender disparity and structural factors that cause psychological stress for Black women in the academy.

The Double Jeopardy of Black Women in the Academy

Quinn and Grumbach (2015) highlight that “women of color experience the double jeopardy [emphasis added] of racism and sexism” (pp. 205–206). Double jeopardy is the intersection of experiences faced by Black women based on racism and sexism. Moreover, Carapinha et al. (2017) also make mention of the double jeopardy that women of color face in the academy. This double jeopardy is also referred to as gendered racism. Cropsey et al. (2008) found that women of color experience “fewer opportunities, limited support, and inequity in leadership, rather than by gender-based differences such as roles in family responsibilities” (p. 3). There are internal and external pressures from structural factors that impact the rate of promotion towards leadership positions for women of color.

As Black women have had to straddle the double jeopardy of racism and sexism, Johnson-Bailey (2003) indicates that Black women are entangled in a “perpetual position of belonging and yet of not belonging” about their orientation and identification. Black women are usually categorized with other underrepresented groups such as all minority women or all women, thus neglecting the intersection of oppressed, marginalized identities that shape their psychological stress. Hawkins (2017) and Drakefold (2017) contribute to the absence of research specific to the needs of Black women due to the stereotypical image of the Superwoman role. The Superwoman role, as defined by Woods-Giscombé (2010) has perceived benefits of preservation of self and survival, preservation of the African American family, and preservation of the African American community. Vakalahi and Starks (2010) conducted a reflective narrative from 14 women of color, who are social work educators across varying ranks, who share in detail the challenges faced. The summary of the experiences notes that the interviewed faculty members used strength as a method to face challenges and to build bridges to pass on their legacy to the next generation of educators of color.

Impact of Psychological Stress of Gender and Black Woman Identity

Experiences such as isolation, exclusion, and systemic discrimination are contributing factors to psychological stress in the workplace (Hawkins, 2017). The compounding impact of not feeling accepted and included in the workplace environment questions the ability of if one is doing their job correctly or measuring up to acceptable performance measures. An overall feeling of lack of imposter syndrome may also be experienced by Black women. Asante (2016) and Jones et al. (2016), provide examples of fear of assertion in social situations, setting lower goals, higher levels of anxiety, dissatisfaction with their performance, debilitating stress, depression, and despair as symptoms of psychological stress experienced by Black women. Hawkins (2017) found that of those who experience psychological stress, Black women are also at a greater risk for mental illness. Data suggests that there is a direct connection between undiagnosed mental illness and low results for the treatment of Black women. The combined racial and gender discrimination experiences of Black women may impact health outcomes and life expectancy for this population. While there is a developing interest in researching the overlap of stress, mental health, and biobehavioral factors as causes for racial disparity in health, studies continue to present the void of culturally competent practices to influence interventions and policy. Jones et al. (2016), discusses how emotional wholeness, risk and resilience, empowerment, and social change are at the root of therapeutic practices for therapists who serve oppressed Black women due to issues of racism and sexism. This approach aides in the development of heightened awareness of the intersection of oppression and discrimination that exists.

Stress among Black women should be viewed in the context of cultural identities and how the SBW stereotype may influence the outcomes of stress for Black women (Drakeford, 2017). There is a burden of cultural taxation, which demonstrates that Blacks have an excessive amount of service and teaching responsibilities, limited resources, and lack of support for research and publication (Allen et al., 2017). Cultural taxation is a term coined by Amado Padilla that demonstrates the increased responsibilities and expectations for tenure-track faculty of color (Kelly et al., 2017). This heightened level of expectation contributes to increased psychological stress. In comparison with the research found in the study by Hawkins (2017), Drakeford (2017) also found similarities between stress and health disparity, and stress and mental health outcomes. These factors are influenced by systemic and institutionalized racism and sexism. Forms of racism and sexism are brought about through structural factors of the academy.

Recognition of the stress related to racism and sexism experienced by Black women faculty has led to a growing awareness of this issue. Increased awareness of concerns for faculty of color (specifically Black women), gender biases, and the impact of psychological stress is linked to several encouraging outcomes. It has promoted the advancement of positive work climates, created movements, and initiatives, and opened up teaching opportunities to which women (especially women of color) can add to research through quality, integrity of results, and contributions to the common good of society (Carapinha et al., 2017; Vallejo et al., 2015).

Culturally relevant group intervention and supportive environments, such as accountability circles, help to foster a safe space, mentorship, and socialization to discuss life stressors and the structural factors that may have contributed to stressors. Particularly, Black women have to navigate professional socialization differently. Sulé (2014), used a criterion sampling that captured the narrative of 14 Black women faculty from predominately White institutions. The findings from the study demonstrated how Black women enact, discard, and transform themselves socially to maintain a balance and level of professionalism. This art of balance is a model of engagement that Black women use to adapt to the norms of an organization. Sulé (2014) characterizes this model of norms as enacting on customs that best meet the situation, discarding norms that conflict with the situation, and transforming norms to adapt to the situation. Other recommendations to mitigate the psychological stress among Black women faculty would include culturally trained therapists, a support team, and limiting the frequency of code-switching (Asante, 2016; McLane-Davidson et al., 2018).

Summary

Small numbers of Black women faculty in higher education prevent researchers from making sound conclusions to support research. Black or African American faculty have not been hired in the same proportions as other underrepresented minority groups who have earned doctorates (Gumpertz et al., 2017). Additionally, research demonstrates the need for more culturally competent researchers and providers who understand the intersectionality of Black women. These shared experiences help to offer differing skills in and out of the classroom within the academic environment (Wilder et al., 2013). This literature review supports the need for additional research especially among an underrepresented group in higher education, Black women faculty.

Reflections of Critical Race Theory

The systemic structure built to keep me in place is the stage I dance on . . . to match my strength is to feel your own, yet, like any born to blaze a trail . . . to risk it all to change a game, to shift the form, and take its name . . . pas de chat to shatter norms . . . to take up space in histories home, to harbor hopes wishes and dreams, to bring the untold into being, the oppressors gaze ain’t all I sing. I’m unlike any. (Copeland, 2020, emphasis added)

My interpretation of this quote brings to mind the institutional racism that is highlighted by disparities in the structural systems of higher education. There is a disparity of Black women faculty. Each day as a Black woman, I show up to work recognizing the systemic structure that hinders me from ever being equal to my counterparts of other races and sex. Society’s norms are evidenced in the perpetual prejudices that my ancestors and I have experienced for decades. Influences of power and control as explained by CRT prevent me from playing on the same field as my counterparts.

I long for the ability to see diversity among campuses, including in administration. A lack of diversity has made it challenging for me to seek mentorship or conduct research with colleagues who have a similar research agenda. While I am open to scholarship opportunities with my colleagues, I am not given the same chance as my peers who are White male or female and Black male. Although I am in a female dominated field, men have taken advantage of opportunities to “mansplain” content to me to exude their power, control, and presence in a condescending tone that assumes I’m unaware. As diversity and inclusion efforts are created among campuses, I hope that people of color are not lumped together and that there is the recognition that experiences of Black women differ from others. I am mindful to lend my perspective to appropriate conversations to negate the experiences that all women of color experience are the same.

Perspectives as a Black Feminist

As I continue to explore the Black feminist perspective, the double jeopardy factor encourages me that there is much work to do to bring awareness to this challenge that confronts us as Black women.

I always think that being a Black woman in this world is like you have an invisible struggle; like you’re barely seen. Yeah, you’re a woman, but you’re Black, that’s different. So, who’s really fighting your fight? It’s just us. (XONecole.com, 2020, emphasis added)

While there are allies and advocates of the plight of Black women, representation matters in all fields for Black women. Often, we may be the sole Black woman at the table, therefore we have to speak louder to be seen and heard. When we speak louder, we are labeled as aggressive or angry. That is a small glimpse of the invisible fight Black women face. However, I find the strength to unmask my truth by continuing the legacy of other Black feminist scholars and fellow Black women in higher education, such as Sojourner Truth, Anna Julia Cooper, Fannie Lou Hamer, Alice Walker, Toni Morrison, bell hooks, Angela Davis, Audre Lorde, and Patricia Hill Collins. As best as possible, I find it is my responsibility to the academy to provide representation for administrators, peers, and students. While I do not want to be the token Black woman, I hope to provide a perspective of cultural differences and support other Black women who are in the fight to exist.

As a non-tenure track faculty member, I am not held to the same service standards as my tenure-track peers. However, I have found that my service is valuable on hiring committees and through the advising of students to be able to advocate for cultural differences that exist for Black women. I recall having to explain the concept of Black women needing to perform twice as hard in the workplace to be recognized, that dressing in business attire is simply a means of professionalism in the workplace, or that my body language was not a sign of me being angry or bitter. I continue to have to explain and defend myself against colleagues who seek to embarrass me or pit students against me due to a difference in teaching styles. During my first year of service at an institution, I struggled with finding my identity. I wanted to be accepted by my peers, invited to collaborate on research opportunities, and not be criticized as harshly by students in course evaluations for modeling the same instruction techniques as my White male counterparts. I wanted to fit into a cookie-cutter mold of acceptance. I found myself wearing a mask that was untrue to my teaching and service philosophy. The mask hid my insecurities. The mask hid the essence of who I was as a Black female as I dealt with the symptoms of my psychological stress.

Experiences as a Strong Black Woman (SBW)

Perhaps the mask I wore is what projected the perceived anger and nastiness? It was hearing Angela Bassett at the 2019 Black Girls Rock Awards Ceremony that challenged me to be unapologetic in who I am and to begin unmasking my truth and identity as a Black woman academician and scholar. “When they tell you that you’re angry or nasty, you tell them that they’re mistaken. This is me being resolute and standing firmly in my truth” (O’Brien, 2019, emphasis added). The resilience of a Black woman is unparalleled to any other race or gender due to historic events dating to slavery. Literature about the SBW schema has taught me the three factors associated with this schema, mask of strength/emotional invulnerability, care-taking and struggle, and self-reliance and strength (Woods, 2013). Through personal and professional responsibilities, I have always needed to appear strong and resilient. It is an unspoken lesson passed down through generations in my family. As I have described in this article, the mask I wear prevents me from emotional invulnerability. The mask I wore began to feel heavy as I was unable to be myself because I had to always appear strong like my grandmother and mother.

I found myself taking on the care-taking role within my department which caused my other duties as assigned list to grow exorbitantly long. In an effort for me to advocate for myself by not overcommitting or being responsible to carry the load of the department, I have felt criticized for advocating for myself to ask for a lightened load in the area of other duties as assigned. With time I have questioned myself when asking for clarity, guidance, and feedback on tasks, thus forcing me to struggle to figure it out on my own. I am guilty of adopting the mentality that, if no one does it, then I will. This only exacerbates my psychological stress brought on by the need to remain strong and resilient as the care-taker of the department. This further prompted me to be unapologetically secure in who I am as a Black woman, taking ownership of my strengths and contributions to the academy.

I am reminded of my experiences of enduring despite the growing demand and work responsibilities, the resiliency I have had to display when I have been chastised by one of my peers, and accepting the isolation that results from the feeling of not getting things right in the workplace. Having an understanding of SBW schema has taught me that I am indeed a strong Black woman standing on the shoulder of my ancestors. The strength of my ancestors pours into me each day and reminds me that I do not have to agonize alone. The negativity, labeling, and stressful environments have caused the onset of psychological stress symptoms to include, anxiety, stomach pains, migraines, and high blood pressure. The result of wearing a mask of the SBW has caused me to bottle my emotions, be afraid of the response or retaliation of the expression of my emotion, or not having an appropriate environment to process and express my emotions. Being an SBW does not mean that I have to suffer alone or in silence due to stressful situations in the workplace. As an SBW, I am willing to take off my mask of psychological stress that I bear.

Implications for the Academy

Based on my experiences in the academy, this autoethnography provide contributions in the areas of higher education and research opportunities. Highlighting the experiences of Black women faculty gives us a unique voice that is safe from discrimination and prejudice. It creates an awareness of the double jeopardy that should be regarded during hiring practices, efforts of retention, mentorship and collaboration opportunities, and among students.

Methods to begin addressing these areas include the creation of inclusion and diversity committees at a department, college, and university level, affinity groups, and campus-wide mentorship programs. However, these practices are neither consistent at all universities, nor are their effectiveness always measured. These methods should remain relevant and inclusive to speak to all areas of diversity without the need to lump all women or all women of color together. An example of this is seen in the development of the Accountability Sistah Circle (ASC). This accountable circle began in 2012 with the intent to support professional development and skills for doctoral students and new Black women faculty in high education (McLane-Davidson et al., 2018). The transition to higher education as a faculty member can be overwhelming, lonely, and stressful at times. This support network allowed the women to be unfiltered in their thoughts and concerns while having the support of other Black women faculty members after different stages of their academic career. McLane-Davidson et al. (2018) outline the model for the ASC in their article:

This research based model provides outcomes and evidence that can make the ASC replicable for Black women faculty. This model can be structured at an institution, a geographic area with multiple institutions, or virtually through the use of Facebook, GroupMe, or similar networking applications. Creating safe space opportunities such as the ASC model gives voice to the unique experiences of Black women (a tenant of CRT) as well as allows Black women faculty to be present without a mask of being guarded by factors of psychological stress.

Future Research and Conclusion

Future research is needed to continue to provide a voice of culturally relevant and competent methods. Additional qualitative studies to highlight experiences and quantitative studies to quantify the relationship of those experiences would also be beneficial. This would include monitoring the disproportionate number of Black women in higher education, including retention and attrition rates. I am lending to the body of knowledge of the double jeopardy of Black women, a quantitative study that explores the association between discrimination and associated stress among Black women faculty. This will be done through survey research of four scales that measure perceived ethnic discrimination, the prevalence of discrimination, SBW archetype, and perceived stress. The intended outcome of this quantitative study is to assess how structural factors within the academy are associated with perceived discrimination and stress among Black women faculty. The second form of research is to explore the phenomenon of being a Black woman faculty member in higher education. The product will result in phenomenological research that will highlight common threads that lead to psychological stress and the unique perspectives that exist for Black women faculty.

As I consider my experiences and similar experiences of other Black women faculty, I recognize that there are unique experiences that should continue to be explored and documented through research. As informed by the research, my experiences are not unique. Unfortunately, history continues to repeat itself with acts of discrimination towards Black women due to a lack of knowledge and understanding. Through research in this area, other academicians will be informed of the implications of psychological stressors among Black women faculty.