Abstract
Phyllis Fagell advises a teacher whose friends believe her job teaching at a wealthy public school is easier than their jobs at schools in poor neighborhoods. A principal wants to know what to do about a teacher who complains about a colleague who recently took on a new leadership role. A teacher suspects her principal is having an affair with a teacher.
I teach in a public school in one of the wealthiest parts of Washington, D.C. The students aren’t all rich by any stretch of the imagination, but their parents are educated and mostly comfortable. There are a lot of lawyers and lobbyists and professor types. That doesn’t mean there aren’t struggling families, or that rich kids don’t have problems. Yes, they have different problems than kids whose families can’t make ends meet, but as the saying goes, “rich kids, rich-kid problems.”
I have friends who teach at schools in poorer parts of the city, and they’re constantly telling me I have it “easy” and that their jobs are so much harder. If a teacher in my school gets a “best teacher” award, for example, they grumble that the city should be recognizing someone who faces more challenges at work. Well, we’re teaching the same curriculum, and it annoys me that they feel the need to compare. Plus, they don’t have to keep as many overly demanding parents happy, and I’m pretty sure they’re held to lower standards. They can get a decent evaluation as long as their students show up for class and make even modest progress. So why can’t they live and let live? This comes up every time I see them, even for a fun night out, and I’m losing patience. I usually snap and get very defensive, and I’m getting close to avoiding these friends entirely. Do you think I have a right to be ticked off? What can I tell them the next time this comes up? I want to shut down this whole line of conversation.
The problem is that you’re playing the exact same game as them. If you don’t like the rules, stop trying to convince them that they’re “wrong,” or that your jobs are equally challenging. Right now, you’re focusing on your school’s demanding parents, rich-kid problems, and higher evaluation standards. (Which, by the way, is a highly inflammatory assumption to make. It’s certainly not a peace offering!) You’d be better off debating the merits of having the discussion in the first place. You could say something like, “You’re right. Your job is extremely difficult, and I really respect what you do. I always love to hear about your work and want to be supportive, but I’d rather not compare, because we teach in very different communities. I definitely think we should exchange ideas, though.” You can even make a request that you share those ideas at a specified time. Many educators hold monthly meetings with teachers at other schools. The whole point is to solve problems collaboratively and to learn from others whose experiences differ from your own. Tell your friends that you prefer not to talk about work when you’re out socializing with them.
What’s coming through in all of these comments (theirs and yours) is that you feel underappreciated. You may not be able to change how much feedback your administrators give you, but you can validate each other and learn how to validate yourselves. Try asking them to share some of their biggest student success stories. Chances are they’ll ask you to do the same. You’ll then have the opportunity to give each other positive feedback. This also would serve as a reminder that you should take pride in your own accomplishments. The reality is that administrators are spread thin, too, and they can’t get into classrooms or give feedback as often as they’d like. I’m a fan of programs such as Critical Friends, which provides a framework for teachers to give each other suggestions and to share best practices.
As for your friends’ grumbling about “best teacher” designations, that complaint is part of the same underlying issue. The award probably rankles them because they’re feeling invisible. But no good comes from denigrating the winner, so if they bring it up, deflect. You could say, “I don’t know that teacher very well personally, but good for her. I wish the district would honor more great teachers — so many amazing people deserve recognition.” You could debate the politics all day, but what’s the point?
Teaching is a hard job, and it’s easy to focus on the negative. But you’ll all feel better if you focus instead on the stuff that’s within your control, including validating yourselves and supporting one another. If that doesn’t do the trick, you may need to remind your friends that you all have the ability to apply for a transfer. It may simply be time for a change.
Teacher is undermining a colleague: What can principal do?
I’m a principal who recently promoted a teacher (let’s call her Lisa) to a team leader position. She had applied before, but I passed her over in large part because her department chair (Susan) discouraged me from making the hire. She said Lisa would turn off the teachers she was supposed to lead because she’s too self-promoting and makes everything about her. Susan felt that giving Lisa the promotion would make her even more insufferable because she’d actually have a taste of power.
After I told Lisa she wasn’t getting the job, she asked me how she could make herself a more competitive candidate, so I started paying closer attention to her work and interactions. To my surprise, I couldn’t identify anything especially off-putting about her. Yes, she’s ambitious and talks about her projects a lot, but she’s also kind, friendly, hard-working, and smart. So, the second time she applied to be a team leader I listened to my gut and hired her. I didn’t give Susan a chance to weigh in. And Lisa is doing great in the role — with one exception: Susan keeps getting in her way. She “tattles” on her, telling me that parents are displeased with her leadership or that teachers can’t stand her rambling meetings. She gossips about Lisa with teachers on her team, too, trying to goad them into complaining about her. So far, Susan is the only one complaining, but I can see that she’s ratcheting it up a level.
I’m onto Susan, but I don’t get it. She’s a department chair herself and she’s never wanted to be a team leader. Lisa’s promotion doesn’t affect her at all. In fact, before Lisa started applying for the team leader position, Susan never had a bad thing to say about her. Can you help me understand her behavior, and give me some guidance as a principal for dealing with it? Even better, how can I prevent this from happening in the first place? What happened to colleagues actually acting collegial?
This is a logistical question with a philosophical angle. Yes, we’re all better served when we focus on supporting each other rather than tearing each other down, but human beings are complicated. Some people think that success is a zero-sum game. If you’re someone who subscribes to scarcity theory, then another person’s win is your loss. Individuals with this mind-set can wreak havoc with school culture — they may even sabotage colleagues. The great irony is that they’re unaware how much they’re damaging themselves, too. There are both practical and psychic costs to undermining others. They may think they’re preserving their authority or status, but they’re actually limiting their own opportunities. If they behaved generously, they’d inspire reciprocity. They’re also slowly eroding their self-image as a good person, and that takes a toll.
Let’s start by examining Susan’s perspective. She has always viewed Lisa as a subordinate rather than as a competitor. Susan also is used to having your ear. You didn’t hire Lisa the first time because of her reservations. But now everything has changed, and Susan perceives a double threat. Lisa has risen in the school hierarchy, and you’re no longer treating Susan as your most trusted adviser. This time, you iced her out of the decision-making process entirely. To be clear, you acted appropriately and wisely. In the short run, you’ll have to deal with Susan’s bruised ego, but in the long run, you’ll establish a reputation as a fair and independent thinker, and that will boost everyone else’s morale.
So how can you convince Susan that it makes more sense to be kind and support her colleagues? The short answer is that you can’t, so I’d focus more on her behavior than her attitude. Make it clear that you won’t tolerate unhealthy competition or undermining behavior. Identify and address destructive or false comments right away, and let her know the consequences if she continues to make them. Ask her how it feels when she spreads negativity. Has she considered that people might listen politely but privately judge her? So much of this is about ego, so tap into her ego to target the bad behavior. Does she want to be viewed as a backstabber? Is that how she sees herself? Resist the urge to soften the message by making small talk at the end of the conversation. Let the message marinate.
Have a second conversation later to better understand Susan’s underlying needs. Does she feel like her career is stagnating, and therefore it’s hard to see someone else progressing? Has she always viewed herself as your right-hand person, and she worries she’s being displaced? Does she define herself by her professional role? Help her articulate specific, personal goals that don’t pit her against any other staff members. Maybe she wants to work toward a graduate degree, or revamp how she trains new teachers in her department, or even act as a mentor for new staff members in other departments.
On a schoolwide basis, focus on relationship-building. Give staff opportunities to get to know each other, perhaps by pairing up for a 10-minute walk before a staff meeting with someone they don’t know very well. Focus on pro-social behavior, too. If a teacher praises a colleague, pass along the compliment but really highlight the act of praise. You also can point out whenever someone has created an opportunity for someone else. Maybe a teacher asked a coworker to present with them at a conference, for example, or recommended them as a resource for a staff development teacher at another school. Let your staff hear you celebrating these kinds of gestures. Susan (and others like her) may still struggle any time a peer distinguishes him or herself, but she’ll be less likely to go off the rails if she’s busy working on her own goals and knows she’ll be penalized if she lashes out.
Should teacher report principal’s suspected affair?
I’m an elementary school teacher, and I find gossip distasteful. Our principal — let’s call him Sam — is a warm and genuine man. He’s very well-liked, and he’s a pretty good leader. But elementary schools are funny places. Everyone is in everybody’s business, for better and for worse. There’s always someone who likes to stir up trouble. Maureen, a 1st-grade teacher, tends to be that person. So I didn’t jump to any conclusions when she told me that several teachers suspect that Sam is having an affair with Christine, one of the other 1st-grade teachers. (Sam is married and Christine is not.) Maureen was pretty agitated because she feels that Sam has been more responsive lately to Christine than to anyone else. Maureen also objects to the affair on moral grounds.
I told Maureen that she should keep her thoughts to herself because she has no proof. But now I, too, think that Sam and Christine are having an affair. I stopped by Sam’s office one evening when I was working late, and I knocked when I saw that his light was on because I wanted to ask him a question. It took a really long time for him to come to the door. He also had to unlock it to let me in, which was incredibly weird and atypical for him. Christine was in there with him and wouldn’t make eye contact with me. I pretended everything was totally normal (I deserve an Oscar for that!) and got out of there as fast as I could. Do I have a legal obligation to report my suspicions to Human Resources? Do I have any ethical obligations to report? Basically, is there any reason I should turn them in, or is it OK to mind my own business?
Legally, you don’t have to do anything. Your obligation is to your students. If you believed that your principal or a colleague was grooming or engaging in a sexual relationship with a student, then you’d have to report. But that’s not the case here. That doesn’t mean you can’t report your principal for possibly having an affair with a teacher, but I wouldn’t make that accusation lightly. Principals can be fired or demoted for allegations of sexual misconduct. Even if the relationship is consensual, affairs with subordinates are considered an abuse of power. Your district also could report the principal to the state ethics commission, which could investigate and decide to impose sanctions. They might even take away his license. Leaving aside policy, a false accusation could destroy his marriage or irreparably damage his reputation in the community. The teacher surely would pay a personal and professional cost, too.
That said, there are good reasons districts prohibit these uneven relationships. A teacher might feel pressured to continue an unwanted relationship to protect her job. These kinds of affairs also tend to hurt overall staff morale. As your colleague noted, a principal might treat his romantic partner more favorably than other teachers. Or the reverse could happen. A jilted principal might retaliate when a teacher ends their relationship. There are cases where principals have transferred teachers to less desirable schools or given them poor performance reviews when the affair ended.
You’re in murky territory, however, because you have no hard evidence. In this case, many would view reporting as unethical. You could cause real harm. The middle ground could be a conversation with Sam. Explain that you think he should know that people are speculating about his relationship with Christine. If nothing inappropriate is going on between them, you’ll give him a chance to adjust his behavior and tamp down the rumor mill. One of you should bring the issue to Christine’s attention, too. She deserves to know what people are saying about her so she can react accordingly.
If they are having an affair, you’ll be putting them both on alert. Even if you don’t report your principal, someone else probably will, especially if staff members are resentful and perceive favoritism. Plus, the truth has a way of coming out. By sharing what you’ve heard (along with your own observations), you’ll give him a chance to ask for a transfer or come clean to the school board. One of them might even decide to end the relationship altogether.
Footnotes
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