Abstract
We are now several weeks into 2021 and hopefully your lives are calming down a bit.
Last year was one I hope we do not experience again anytime soon. The chaos that struck the world in 2020 was very similar to throwing a rock into a calm pond. The waves produced chaos in the pond, very similar to what the pandemic did to our lives.
Then you add in the country’s sociopolitical issues. We have seen relationships splintered, trust broken, and society in turmoil. How can we fix this? First of all, we need to understand that the only power and control we have is over ourselves and our immediate environment.
With that said, there are a variety of strategies that you can use to reestablish relationships. These include the seven habits for highly effective people, strategies from restorative justice, cognitive behavior strategies, cognitive coaching, and more.
As I reflect on my observations of 2020, the theme that seemed to surface was that of noise. There was noise from the government, noise from the media, noise from social media, and noise from friends and family. Very little peace but a lot of noise. Noise is a problem, as it distracts us and makes it more difficult to make good choices.
As educators, we know that noise can distract even the highest-performing student in your class and cause them to be unproductive. For me, noise makes listening to others impossible. My first graduate degree was a master’s in clinical psychology, and during my time in schools, I provided counseling as a related service.
I want to offer you a strategy that will help you listen better, which will help your communication to reestablish and deepen relationships. We hear the term “active listening” thrown around a lot. What does it actually mean? Here is the LISTENS technique that will provide you a clear understanding of active listening.
Step 1. L: Limit your assumptions and your thinking about what you are going to say next. It is important to actually comprehend what the person you are talking with has to say. If you listen to your assumptions rather than what they are saying, you will miss the intent of their message.
Step 2. I: Intently focus on the other individual. Remember that your behavior shows the other individual how important they are to you. Therefore, if you are distracted by things going on around you or your thoughts, they will notice. In this step, eye contact with the other individual is crucial.
Step 3. S: Support the individual through appropriate head nods and vocalizations where you reflect and clarify in order to make sure you are understanding what they are saying to you and you are on the same page. This step should reinforce your partner to share more.
Step 4. T: Take a breath and don’t interrupt. Allow the individual to share without interrupting them. This is very important. Steps 3 and 4 go hand in hand. This also reinforces Step 2.
Step 5. E: Empathize. This is an “executive functions” skill. It is the capacity to understand another’s experience. To me, this is the keystone in relationships and communication to understand another’s point of view.
Step 6. N: Avoid any Negativity. There is always a way to disagree with someone without being negative. Negativity can act like a punisher and decrease the interaction.
Step 7. S: Summarize and share. Summarizing is where you indicate that you are moving on from the current topic to the next natural area of the topic. Communication is progressive, not static. You want the topic to develop rather than stay static. Share. Now that you have gained a better understanding, it is time to share your perspective.
I hope the LISTENS active listening technique will help you mend frayed personal and professional relationships.
