Abstract
It is a middle text about being a middle-man. I am a middle-man from the periphery. So, this is my voice. About a life that has no matter. About what I am being taught when I try to speak within the international scientific/autoethnographic community.
Personal Reflexive Statement
For several years I have been trying to publish in international scientific journals. For several years I have been trying to be part of the autoethnographic community. These struggles often have a little taste - they are also something that teaches me. I am taught about the irrelevance of semi-peripheral reflection. Such a struggle for publications is a fight against - but also supports - hegemony. How can a middle man fight for a voice when his voice is a shadow?
It is a middle text about being a middle-man. It is a boring autoethnography poem of being a copy. Autoethnography poem about life that will pass with no word. About a life that has no matter. I just wake up, drink coffee, go to work, do home stuff. Sometimes I write something—as I write a post on Facebook. But who cares?
It is about what I am being taught
what I learn
when I try to speak within the international scientific and autoethnographic
community.
I do not know how to make my autoethnography dangerous. 1
middle-man in a middle country
is a safe man
because
a middle man suffering is
bland
Semi
not hot—not cold
just
so-so
in the middle of the hierarchy
not in the core where ideas are produced
not in the periphery either
where alternative ideas are alive
just in the middle
I consume academic products from the Core
and from the periphery if they appear in the Core
I am a middle-man
I just
copy
repeat
quote
what is the price of me in the academic market?
My price is
I will pay you if you will buy me
“Ain’t I exotic enough?” 2
for international
global
science
core country hegemony
I am the middle-man
not sweet not bitter
in the capitalist world-system
my experience is
a shadow copy of the core
my voice—just repetition of yours
this text is a middle text
it can be or also not be
it does not matter
as a life of a middle-man
nothing to evoke
being a middle-man
is living in ordinary empty words
I am a middle-man
from a middle country in the middle of Europe
when I am trying to publishing my work
I hear
It is too local
Who cares about it
Sorry, you do not fit
What is the impact on global science
Our journal is read by the international audience
you prick
If you do not want be a middle-man
born again
in USA or UK
or
Thailand
If you do not want to be a middle-man
born again
not as a middle class member
in the semi-periphery country
I am local
drinking coca-cola, eating in McDonald’s
watching Friends, reading Spider-man
long time after you did it
I watch TV shows that you already forgot
I am reading the books that were written a long time ago
Writing autoethnography as being a part of the conversation 3
What conversation?
I am speaking always too late
I am a middle-man
I am speaking mostly
w moim języku
when I try speak in English
“I feel like I am liable to be
judged
not only on the ideas I present
but the non-native way
I present them” 4
w moim języku nawet cisza rozbrzmiewa lepiej
is it exotic enough
in global context
mój język nic nie mówi
jest ciszą
dla was
my language is silence
for you
as same as my middle
experience
my middle
life
I am a middle-man
I am a mirror
copycat
copy of copy of copy
You have Trump
you had, I know, I’m late, I’m sorry
we have Kaczyński
everybody knows Trump
who knows Kaczyński
My country becomes a fascist state—just like yours
What can I add?
I just quote
I am a middle-man
in global capitalism
my fate is
to be a copy
and after all
to go away
in silence
because
I was taught that
there is nothing to say
my wounds are so ordinary and boring
Footnotes
Declaration of Conflicting Interests
The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Funding
The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
