Abstract
Mediated matchmaking, the process of using an intermediary, such as a newspaper ad, or platform, to facilitate selecting and pairing people based on predetermined criteria or preferences, has been around from at least the early nineteenth century, despite being more of a taboo than the norm. However, with the advent of smartphones, the radical explosion of dating apps has commodified the dating world. What was once stigmatized, untrusted and used only by divorced or widowed people has become one of the common – if not the common – modes of meeting partners. The New Laws of Love: Online Dating and the Privatization of Intimacy provides a more extended and more comprehensive examination of the rise of this modernized version of dating, or online dating, and its broader impact on the altering meanings of love, sex, sexualities and relationships. The book is the translated and revised version of its French counterpart, Les nouvelles lois de l’amour, written by the same author, Marie Bergström. In the book, Bergström speculates that this mediation goes against the social fabric of relationships, especially the stable ones. Bergström uses an extensive survey of users of the dating apps, interviews with the app owners and users, along with data on users’ engagement on these platforms to shake up the image we have of love, sex and relationships in modern times and to challenge the inequalities of the contemporary dating world.
The book presents its argument across two major parts – which are subdivided into seven chapters, with the first part focusing on the central idea of the author – the ‘Privatization of Dating’, in which the author explains, with the help of historical perspective and positioning, that the practice of initiation and formation of romantic relationships has completely detached itself from the initiation and formation of any other kind of relationship. In the past, personal and social contacts – or contexts – were the primary initiation points to any romantic relationship, for example, matchmaking by parents. However, this has completely been upended with the advent of dating apps. Unlike social networking platforms, where personal, professional and social lives have blurred to the point that they all seem the same, dating apps have successfully extracted users’ sexual or romantic interests from their social and societal embeddedness. They have also been able to provide and nurture an all-inclusive environment, where people with various demographics, identities, interests, and other psychographics can look for every ‘kind’ of relationship they seek – including seeking ‘casual’ vs. ‘serious’ partners.
However, this differentiation and inclusiveness is not without its problems. The isolation of romantic interests from other aspects of an individual’s life can lead to unconscious bias and intersectionality issues in matches. For example, a study by OkCupid found that straight users are less likely to match with users of a different race or ethnicity than with users of their own race or ethnicity. This bias is further perpetuated by the algorithms used by dating apps, which have been found to perpetuate existing societal prejudices and discrimination. The privatization of dating can also lead to subconscious religious bigotry, as individuals may only be presented with potential matches who share their religious beliefs or exclude people of faith as non-potential matches. This can lead to a lack of diversity and limited perspectives in romantic relationships. Many apps also allow users to filter potential partners based on their religion (or lack thereof), which can contribute to the subconscious religious bigotry on these platforms.
Biases can also be seen in the way dating apps allow users to filter potential matches based on certain physical characteristics. For example, many apps allow users to filter possible matches based on their height or body type. This can lead to fatphobia and discrimination against individuals who do not fit societal beauty standards. The emphasis on physical characteristics has harmful consequences for both men and women. For men, the prevalence of unsolicited explicit images and the pressure to have a specific genital size on these apps can lead to body image issues and insecurities for men who do not fit these societal expectations. Similarly, women face pressures such as societal expectations for a particular body type or appearance, which can lead to body shaming and insecurity for women who do not meet these expectations and reinforce harmful gender stereotypes. Both women and men are often objectified and reduced to their physical appearance on these platforms, perpetuating a toxic and narrow-minded perspective on beauty standards.
These examples demonstrate how online dating platforms contribute to the privatization of dating by allowing users to filter potential matches based on specific characteristics, which can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and discrimination. Bergström’s book presents a compelling argument about the importance for users to be aware of these issues and for app creators to address biases to create a more inclusive and fair online dating experience. However, it is crucial to acknowledge how these platforms can perpetuate societal inequalities through unconscious bias and intersectionality. It is also essential to be aware of how these apps may be restructuring dating norms and changing our understanding of love, sex, relationships and sexualities. The book provides an in-depth analysis of the privatization of dating and the impact of online dating platforms on the modern dating world, but it is vital to keep these critical perspectives in mind when reading and engaging with the book.
As for the second part, the rise of dating apps also has significant implications for organizations and their operations. The commodification and privatization of romantic relationships has created a new industry, with companies like Tinder, Bumble and OkCupid generating billions of dollars in revenue. However, this drives companies to prioritize profit over user well-being (Saifer & Dacin, 2022), leading dating apps to manipulate engagement via addictive algorithms, steering toward lucrative features. For example, many dating apps have been criticized for implementing algorithms prioritizing matches based on superficial characteristics like appearance and income rather than more significant factors like personality and values. Furthermore, these algorithms also prioritize users willing to pay for premium features, further exacerbating inequalities and creating a digital divide between those who can afford the app and those who cannot.
Another aspect of the organizational implications of online dating is how these apps change how people interact. For example, apps like Tinder have been criticized for promoting a ‘hookup culture’ in which people focus on short-term, superficial interactions rather than building meaningful relationships. This can negatively affect how people view and engage in romantic relationships, as well as how businesses operate. For example, companies that rely on dating apps to recruit employees or customers may find that these apps need to provide them with the best candidates or customers, as the app’s focus on superficial characteristics may not align with their organizational values and goals.
The business models of dating apps warrant consideration because they focus on maximizing user engagement through addictive features like swiping and messaging. This can lead to an over-reliance on the app, neglecting other aspects of life. Moreover, extensive data collection raises privacy and ethical concerns. For instance, studies show the impact of gamification and game elements on user behaviour and social dynamics (Quattrone, Ronzani, Jancsary, & Höllerer, 2021).
The author presents an interesting analogy early on in the book. She points out that the discreet nature of dating apps has made the online dating market popular and recurrent. The fact that users can keep their sex life private from any prying eyes, especially in comparison to other social media interactions, makes these platforms appealing. This analogy parallels the ‘game theory’ (von Neumann & Morgenstern, 1944), where one leads while the other holds decision-making power in romantic interactions. Despite evolving customs, the ritualized nature of dating has largely remained unchanged. Unfortunately, the liberatory nature of these apps has not eradicated obstacles such as victimization of sexual, ethnic, or cultural minorities, as well as name-calling and labelling, such as ‘bastards’ and ‘sluts’. Other issues like scamming, emotional manipulation, sexual harassment and violence still occur on these apps, and the medium’s nature may provide easier access for sexual predators.
The book builds extensively on the need for businesses in the online dating industry to be aware of the intersectionality and unconscious bias of matches. This aligns with the findings on dominant gender norms and gender performativity (Tyler & Cohen, 2010) and the interconnected outcomes of gender, occupation and social media use (Vaast, 2020), emphasizing the role of spaces in shaping and reinforcing gender norms. This includes addressing physiological preferences and the prevalence of unsolicited images on the platforms.
Regarding the broader implications for organizations, I believe that online dating can potentially disrupt traditional power dynamics and hierarchies. These apps’ monetization of romance and privatization of dating may force society to reexamine the standards and values that govern relationships and courting. In the future, it is advised that stricter regulations for user conduct be put in place, along with severe penalties for violators, to solve these issues and provide a more inclusive and equitable environment, such as using social media spaces for widescale helping (Burke, Omidvar, Spanellis, & Pyrko, 2023). Additionally, investing in innovative technologies and algorithms that put compatibility above superficial characteristics can improve the matching process. These actions are intended to improve the diversity and integrity of the online dating environment.
Overall, Bergström’s book provides a comprehensive examination of the impact of online dating on the modern meanings of love, sex, sexuality and relationships. It highlights the privatization of dating, the intersectionality and unconscious bias of matches, the subconscious religious bigotry, fatphobia, height and genital size issues, and the problem of unsolicited graphic images on dating apps. From a business perspective, the book provides suggestions for dating apps to improve their algorithms and address these issues but also points out that more research is needed to understand the long-term impact of these apps on society and relationships. However, it could have covered more on the economic impact of dating apps, particularly on the traditional matchmaking industry and how they have disrupted the market by examining revenue trends, user behaviour shifts, technological innovations, industry responses and long-term effects. Additionally, there could have been more focus on the data privacy and security concerns that arise with the use of dating apps and the potential exploitation of user data by these companies.
While online dating has brought many benefits to the dating world, it is crucial to consider the broader implications of this phenomenon. The commodification and privatization of romantic relationships have led to significant changes in the way people interact with one another and have also led to the creation of a new industry with significant organizational implications. By considering these implications, we can better understand how online dating is shaping our society and work towards creating a more equitable and just world for all.
