Through Their Eyes: “My Mother Hit Me Because I’m a Girl…” The Looking-Glass Self and Parents’ Perception of Childhood Maltreatment

Introduction

Bitter pill to swallow, even though it causes many negative impacts; experiencing maltreatment during childhood occurs frequently all over the world (Stoltenborgh et al., 2015). There have been many studies that prove the impact of childhood maltreatment on someone, for example, the development of posttraumatic stress symptoms (Dovran et al., 2016), difficulty in emotion regulation and coping with stressful events (Heleniak et al., 2016), and increasing the chance of depression (Nelson et al., 2017) even a deficit in functional brain structure, function, and connectivity (Teicher et al., 2016). Experiences of maltreatment during childhood are typically linked to disruptions in children’s and teenagers’ self-systems (Berzenski et al., 2019). More specifically, children of abusive and/or neglectful parents are more likely to form negative self-representation (Harter, 2015). All of those effects may persist until an individual reaches adulthood.

A recent study proves that parents who experienced childhood maltreatment are at increased risk for negative parenting behaviors (e.g., aggression and overcontrol), difficulty in applying positive parenting (e.g. responsivity and impaired parent–child relationships and interactions), and perpetrating maltreatment against their child (Madigan et al., 2019; Savage et al., 2019; St-Laurent et al., 2019). Experiencing maltreatment as a child can also impact how someone constructs their self-representation (Silva & Calheiros, 2021).

Positive self-perception is built through support from close family or significant others. Social contact, particularly with significant persons, is how someone forms their self-perception (Silva et al., 2016). It is safely said that children who lack approbation, encouragement, responsiveness, and nurturing are less likely to receive the support they need to develop positive self-perception In other words, someone who has experienced maltreatment is, therefore, more likely to have severe and unreachable expectations for their behavior, which may lead to feelings of personal failure. At worst, someone who experiences severe and ongoing abuse may start to believe they are essentially defective (Turner et al., 2017). Maltreated children and adolescents eventually internalize the maltreatment experience as they integrate the viewpoints of significant persons into their self-perception (Downey & Crummy, 2022).

The Looking Glass Self Hypothesis

Concepts of the self and its connection to society form the basis of symbolic interaction theory (West & Turner, 2021). In other words, self and society are inseparable; society is the bowl that facilitates people to stir objects subjects, or events to create meaning. Three presumptions form the basis of the concept of symbolic interactionism (Carter & Fuller, 2016): (1) people use communication to create meaning; since meaning is not inherent to an object or concept, people need a communication process to create meaning, (2) self-concept serves as a driving force behind actions; human cognitive, affective, and behavior is motivated by one’s self-concept, (3) and there is a special bond between people and society; as a thorough sociological theory, symbolic interaction theory acknowledges that behavior is influenced by both social structural and individual elements.

Charles Horton Cooley’s Looking-Glass Self Theory (1902) provides a useful framework for understanding how self-perception is formed through social interactions and reflected appraisals. According to this theory, individuals develop their self-image based on how they believe others perceive them. Social interactions shape people’s perceptions of themselves (Silva & Calheiros, 2021), especially how they think their parents or other significant others view them. The term “looking-glass self,” which describes the notion that a person’s view of themselves is influenced by how they think other people see them. It implies that people’s perceptions of themselves are formed by the feedback they get from others and that this feedback serves as a mirror, reflecting an internalized self-image. The looking-glass self emphasizes the value of social connection and the part that other people play in forming our sense of self in this way.

Looking-Glass Self concept holds that people’s perceptions of themselves are influenced by how they think other people perceive them (Silva & Calheiros, 2021; West & Turner, 2021). Cooley used the phrase looking-glass self to describe how people come to see themselves as they think others do and how others, especially those close to themselves, serve as a “social mirror” to oneself. The looking-glass self contends that a person’s self-representation is impacted indirectly by how other people assess their personal qualities by way of the person’s assessments of how others view them (Carter & Fuller, 2016). Particularly describes the notion that a person’s view of themselves is influenced by how they think other people see them (Farrel, 2018). It implies that people’s perceptions of themselves are formed by the feedback they get from others, and that this feedback serves as a mirror, reflecting back to them an internalized self-image. The looking-glass self emphasizes the value of social connection and the part that other people play in forming our sense of self in this way. According to this viewpoint, certain relationships are more significant than others in the process of constructing an individual’s self-representation, even while it accepts the relevance of social interactions in general (Serpe et al., 2020).

Self-perception is more flexible in the early years of life (Paulus et al., 2018). Significant persons have a particularly strong influence on how people construct their self-perception throughout childhood and adolescence and this self-perception can impact and endure throughout their lifetime. In a child, early life interaction is the most influential relationship in his life, which is the relationship with the parent or other caregiver, with whom he spent most of his childhood. This relationship becomes the foundation for a person in forming a perception of himself (Brooks, 2013). Parent–child relationship is essential for constructing oneself and influencing one’s sense of oneself. Relationships with parents continue to play a crucial role as building blocks for self-construction and influence self-perception (McLean, 2016).

Numerous studies have demonstrated that a person’s relationship with their parents is significant and has an ongoing impact on them throughout their life, for example, children raised in sympathetic, encouraging, and reasonable family environments typically grow up to have better self-concept (Wang, 2015), beyond the impacts of genetic relatedness, adolescent self-worth is linked to parental warmth and closeness to the child (McAdams et al., 2017), improving the mental health of teenagers requires fostering stronger family ties and encouraging young people to express their emotions (Trong et al., 2023), healthier parent–child attachment influence self-efficacy in adulthood (Abraham & Abraham, nd), children’s social self-concept was solely predicted by their mothers’ early sensitivity and non-hostility and general self-worth of children was correlated with their mother’s growing structure and sensitivity (Paulus et al., 2018).

For parents with a history of childhood maltreatment, the negative self-concept formed in early relationships often persists into their adult lives and influences their parenting. Studies indicate that these parents frequently struggle with feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth, and a pervasive sense of shame (Alexander, 2014). On the other hand, not much research has been done on how parents who were exposed to maltreatment as children perceive that experience.

The Present Study

This paper explores how parents who have experienced maltreatment during childhood may internalize negative self-concepts about themselves years after this happened. Childhood maltreatment, which includes physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as well as neglect, is a widespread issue affecting millions of individuals worldwide. Often, this mistreatment is inflicted by caregivers who are expected to provide security and nurturing (Rockhold, 2023). Research has consistently shown that maltreatment during childhood can lead to long-term consequences, disrupting emotional regulation, cognitive functions, and social relationships (Warmingham et al., 2020). These effects do not fade with time; instead, they shape a person’s mental well-being, interpersonal connections, and, significantly, their parenting practices (Van Wert et al., 2019).

Experiencing maltreatment during childhood can profoundly shape an individual’s sense of self and their future role as a parent. Childhood maltreatment, which includes physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as well as neglect, disrupts fundamental aspects of self-perception, leading to a distorted self-concept that often persists into adulthood (Rockhold, 2023). According to Cooley’s Looking-Glass Self Theory, self-perception is constructed through interactions with others, particularly caregivers. For children subjected to maltreatment, these early reflections are often negative, fostering feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, and a belief that they are inherently unlovable (Silva et al., 2020)​. The way maltreated children internalize these experiences can shape their worldview and how they perceive their worth in relationships, including those they later form as parents.

As these individuals grow, their self-perception remains deeply intertwined with the messages they received during childhood. The symbolic interactionist perspective suggests that children develop their self-concept based on how they believe others see them (Silva et al., 2020)​. Maltreated children, who often experience rejection, harsh criticism, or neglect from their caregivers, internalize these negative appraisals, which may lead to chronic self-doubt and low self-esteem (Van Wert et al., 2019). Research indicates that these individuals often struggle with emotional regulation, interpersonal relationships, and trust, making it difficult to establish a stable sense of self. This fragmented self-concept can persist into adulthood, influencing how they perceive themselves as parents and shaping their ability to provide emotional support to their children.

Ultimately, the impact of childhood maltreatment on self-perception and parenting is profound, yet not deterministic. While early maltreatment can lead to feelings of worthlessness and insecurity, the ability to reconstruct one’s self-image through healing relationships and self-reflection offers hope for breaking intergenerational cycles of trauma (Warmingham et al., 2020). Understanding the role of self-perception in parenting is crucial for developing interventions that support survivors in fostering a healthier sense of self and, in turn, creating nurturing environments for their children (Chamberlain et al., 2019).

Method

A semi-structured interview guide was used for in-depth interviews that took place between July and August of 2024. This study employs a qualitative case study design, using in-depth interviews with seven parents (five mothers and two fathers) who have experienced childhood maltreatment. Informants were recruited through purposive sampling to ensure diverse experiences and before the interview, each informant immediately filled out a quick anonymous questionnaire to record sociodemographic information.

Data Collection

Following discussion among the study team, a semi-structured discussion guideline was created, improved, and tested with one parent (the mother). At the beginning of each interview, which took place in a setting where the informant felt at ease-the anonymity of their identities and the option to halt recording during certain conversations were explained before the interview started. Signing informed consent was also acquired before interview.

The duration of the interview is also adjusted according to the informant’s comfort. Due to the topic being discussed is sensitive, the researcher prioritizes the informant’s comfort. Four main topics were covered in every interview: a description of the maltreatment experienced in childhood, what cause the maltreatment, the methods they employ when facing the maltreatment, and parents’ perception of why the violence happened to them. Interview were captured on audio and then transcribed for examination. The comprehension of the interview transcript was checked with the local expert resources.

Analysis

After the interview is conducted, the researcher performs verbatim so that the data can be analyzed. The primary author, RI, had to go over and reread the transcriptions in order to find emerging themes in order to develop a codification framework. Following completion of the coding framework, the transcriptions were imported into NVivo (Version 12.6.0) to aid in the encoding and electronic retrieval of the data. To help with the systematic interpretation of the data, we employ theme analysis. With each informant represented throughout each topic, a table of data containing the titles of the specific codification framework has been created.

This made it possible to highlight every answer from informant about a certain subject. The English-translated quotes are taken from informant who are recognized as the mother or father and are categorized based on whether they reside in a high-SES urban region, a low-SES urban area, or a low-SES rural area (Banten or West Sumatra). Additionally, we categorized quotes about parent’s perspective on maltreatment experience based on Charles Horton Cooley’s Looking-Glass Self Theory; how informant develop their sense of self through social interactions and other people’s judgments; in other words, they mold themselves according to how other people view and evaluate them. No quotes exist that might be used to identify certain people.

Ethical Approval

The ethical guidelines established in the 1964 Declaration of Helsinki and its subsequent revisions were followed in the conduct of this investigation. The study received permission from Universitas Padjadjaran’s ethical committee (approval number 96/UN6.KEP/EC/2024). Before being included in the study, each informant completed a consent form and received an information statement.

Result

Seven parents—either mothers or fathers—participated as informants in the research interview. These included two parents from Padang, one father who originally come from a low-income family, and one mother who originally come from a wealthy family; three parents from Banten, two mothers and one father, all who originally come from low-income families; a mother who lives in the Netherlands; and one mother from Bandung, who originally come, both, from a wealthy family. Table 1 indicates that mothers made up the majority of informants and that parents were most frequently between the ages of 30 and 50. The data revealed five themes, which are explained in more depth below. Tables 2–6 present parent quotes by theme.

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Table 1.

Informants

	N	%
Gender
Female (mother)	5	71
Male (father)	2	29
Age
30–40	3	43
40–50	3	43
>50	1	14
Marital status		0
Married	6	86
Widow	1	14
Occupation		0
Housewife	2	29
private Employee	1	14
entrepreneur	2	29
Teacher/Lecturer	2	29
Educational level		0
Senior high	2	29
Bachelor	2	29
Master	3	43
SES of original family		0
Low SES	4	57
High SES	3	43

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Table 2.

Theme 1

Theme 1 description of the forms of maltreatment that have been experienced
Subtheme 1.1 physical abuse	“Yeah, back then if I didn’t get number 1 in my class, my mom would pinch me!” I was rarely naughty, then I would only get pinched if my grades dropped or if I didn’t win!” (Mother A)
	“I remember chased by my dad, or my mom used a clothes hanger, sometimes a broom, sometimes a belt. Pinched. That was all over his body, red... I even saw my brother have chili sauce smeared on his mouth because he didn’t want to finish his food” (Mother V)
	“I was often pinched, hit. Hit with a rattan, with a belt. Then I could be beaten with a hose. The hose, the really thick hose, you know, the one that gets run over by a car and doesn’t bend? yes, using that kind of hose. Then sometimes my mother use a clothes hanger until it breaks to hit me, so it’s like, this one is broken, my mom isn’t satisfied, take another one (clothes hanger), it breaks again, take another one, and then my mom gets bored! (Mother P)
	“I was also beaten with various things, but because I didn’t want to hurt my body, I preferred to stay quiet, you know. Play it safe. Don’t want to make my parents angry!” (Mother N)
	“I was pinched, hit, yeah, it’s happened. Its common for me. Later, if I misbehave, usually my mom pinches me, or dad hits me with a ruler, or with the rattan used to hit the mattress!” (Mother H)
	“Pinched, hit with a piece of wood as thick as this arm (showing his arm). People in the village, cooking with firewood. Well, the wood for cooking was used by my mother to make a fire, she hit me, beaten until my legs bled. Once I wat hit on the shinbone, yes, on the ankle, yes. Before, my ankle used to swell because it was hit, to the point where I couldn’t walk. Finally, it was massaged. Then until now, it still hurts in the lower back. Before, I was hit with a stick on the waist. Until now, when I pray, it still hurts! One time, when I was about 3 or 4 years old, I was thrown out of the window by my mother. Yes, thrown out!” (Father F)
Subtheme 1.2 emotional and physical abuse	“So, I was pulled by my mom to the school corridor, it seemed like it was right next to my class. Then mom got angry, her voice was high, almost shouting. She said, why did I only get second place, why did my grades drop. I still remember that time, my mom had a face while looking around, I don’t know if it was because she wanted to see people passing by or because she didn’t want to look angry. But I felt really embarrassed at that time. Basically, I was really embarrassed. Especially when my friends were watching” (Mother A)
	“I remember being locked in the bathroom and then the lights were turned off. I ended up screaming, banging on the bathroom door. But I forgot how long it was, but at that time it felt like forever!.... They call me whiny. Often called lazy, dirty because I often forget to clean my room. Then, because I am indeed obese, everywhere I go, I am always asked, “Why are you so fat?” Told to go on a diet. Actually, it might have been more about stress eating before, right? Because there were many conflicts, I turned to food!” (Mother V)
	“My mom used to really like bullying me. She liked to insult me physically. For example, I was called black. Actually, it’s because I joined swimming lessons so it makes my skin black. Then I was also told that my lips were as wide as a boat, dark, and curly! (Mother P)
	“If it’s verbal, it’s already normal in our family. Shouted at, like listening to dad’s “song” every day, that’s already normal. I mean, he probably means to give advice, but the tone is high, like when something is messy. The words were all harsh!” (Mother N)
	“So, I come from a broken home. My mom has been married a total of 3 times. My biological dad has also been married three times. Well, that’s a really sad story, you know! But it hurts so much when I’m treated differently from Dad’s child from a different mom. Like when we join my father family gathering, office picninc, and I felt a certain way, like I was being treated differently. He really loves his son, carrying him, hugging him (while showing the hug), like that. I just sat quietly. He (dad) rarely talks, but what annoys me is being compared to his child over there, who is supposedly smarter, better at everything. Clearly, he loves that child more, cares more. But not with me. You can really see the differences, for example, their allowance is bigger. When I ask for pocket money, my dad often ignores me, he doesn’t give it to me. Not only is the allowance more, but the treatment is different! (Mother H)
	“My mother, when she’s angry, says all sorts of things. Curses, like “You are naughty, you little dog, you bring bad luck!” said Mom, even though I was not yet 6 years old at that time!” (Father F)
Subtheme 1.3 neglect	“Especially when it comes to hugging, that has never happened at all...But indeed, since I was little, my family never had communication. There was never any appreciation like hugs or praise. It doesn’t exist! (Mother A)
	I remember the moment when I was the closest to my mom. Getting really close. Then she said goodbye from home just to accompany dad on a business trip out of town, to Makassar if I’m not mistaken. But suddenly, she has been gone for more than a week, not coming back. Suddenly she called to inform that she won’t be coming home because she wants to go pursue her study in another town. At that moment, I cried, but Mom said I was overreacting! (Mother V)
	“A child needs love. If it’s food, it seems to be fulfilled, but if it’s love, I feel like I don’t get it, I don’t get it like that. Because most of my parents love and attention goes to the two of them (older sibling and younger sibling) .... So I don’t need to be paid too much attention, so they don’t pay attention to me. Different from my older and younger siblings!” (Mother N)
	I thought about it again, I really have never been hugged, it might seem strange. But I was never been hugged when I was a kid!” (Mother P)
	“Yes, my moms was beaten, slapped. All sorts of things. Basically, a total mess. Not to mention being insulted in various ways. It’s not just one wife that I witnessed, but two. My biological mother and my stepmother too. And it hurts so much to see my dad keep cheatingI still remember it very clearly until now. I remember it very well. How could he beat my mother, my stepmother, until she was bruised all over? And then we were left for days, and then he cheated! (Mother H)
	“Even with all his kids, not a single one is send to school. Imagine, with his wealthy condition. Schooling is only half-hearted. There’s nothing right about him... My dad never took care of my education. Let alone taking care of it, oh my, he never even asks. Whether you want to go to school or not, he doesn’t care! (Mother H)
	“I used to have the same condition, like bumps, sores, and itching like that. I didn’t treat it. Heal on it’s own..... I remember having to work on my own since elementary school to buy snacks. Until my body was covered in sores, I didn’t treat them. It becomes like a makeshift umbrella, right? So it gets dirty and wet. So my body itched, like it had scabs. Alhamdulillah, it healed on its own. Even though I live at my father’s house!” (Mother H)
	“I really wanted to go to school back then. But my mo never bought me school clothes or anything. My aunt used to buy my school uniforms!” (Father F)
	“I often witness my mom and dad fight. That happened often. I mean, because Dad rarely came home, and we only talked occasionally, since there were no phones or cell phones back then. When my mom and dad occasionally met, they fought. I often heard my parents talking... Not talking, but fighting. Later I found out that my dad liked to gamble. So, dad’s money back then was mostly spent on gambling. At that time, there was something called SDSB, right? (Father Y)

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Table 3.

Theme 2

Theme 2 frequency
Subtheme 2.1 every time receiving report card	“Yeah, usually my mom compare it when receiving report cards.” Especially if the grades drop or I don’t get a good grades. When report cards are about to come out, I get stressed. (Mother A)
Subtheme 2.2 every time parent in conflict	The most memorable part was when dad cheated. A few times cheating. If he has already cheated, definitely, my mom gets hit (Mother H)
	“My Dad often leaves us, often goes out of the house for days. Then when he comes home, he often fights with mom” (Father Y)
Subtheme 2.3 No spesific condition	“Almost everyday. There is always a thing that other people around to complain about me!” (Mother V)
	“Being yelled at, it’s like listening to dad’s song every day, it’s already normal. But as far as I remember, I didn’t get hit often, I don’t want to get sick, I’d rather stay quiet. Play it safe. I don’t want to make my parents angry. (Mother N)
	“Almost everyday..!” (Father F)
	It’s unclear how often, but if mom is in a bad mood, I get hit, or if I’m naughty, too (Mother P)

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Table 4.

Theme 3

Thema 3 the factors that cause maltreatment
Subtheme 3.1 academic performance	“The reason is that the report card grades dropped, right? or because I didn’t win. That mom will definitely be angry and start comparing me with others!” (Mother A)
	“Usually because I refuse to study, not wanting to pray, If not, then having trouble waking up in the morning, being late to school, or not doing homework. Basically, it’s often, you know! (Mother V)
Subtheme 3.2 household responsibility	“For example, if something is messy. Not neat, blah..blah..blah... Something like that, but it can go on for a long time. The anger can last for hours. And then it can continue the next day!” (Mother N)
Subtheme 3.3 food and mealtime discipline	“…or not finishing my food…!” (Mother V)
Subtheme 3.4 social behavior and autonomy	“…And sometime because I play outside without asking her permission!” (Mother P)
	“I was indeed naughty when I was little. I like to play around, That’s why she hit me!” (Father F)
Subtheme 3.5 parental conflict	“So if there’s a problem, if mom has a problem, for example, if she’s angry, I will be the victim. (Mother P)
	My dad cheated on my mom and my stepmom. But the most I hurtful is my dad love has for his child over there is very different from the love he has for me. To me, there’s no affection. Sometimes I feel like I’m not the biological child of my father. Like I’m just a guest!” (Mother H)
	But sometimes my parents fight. They fight, husband and wife, but take it out on me. Sometimes there is no money, then the husband and wife fight. If it’s like that, there’s no money. So, I become the victim!” (Father F)
	“My parents fight because my father gambling problem. I found out that my dad likes to gamble. So, dad’s money back then was mostly spent on gambling!” (Father Y)

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Table 5.

Theme 4

Theme 4 defense mechanism
Subtheme 4.1 study harder	“I sometimes wonder: “I’ve tried so hard, I’ve kept studying, but I still don’t get first place, what’s wrong with me?” I always push myself to study hard. There is a time where I get ill because studying too hard!” (Mother A)
	“I just focus on studying. Just ignore the fight. I continue studying. So, I’ve always had a hobby of studying!” (Father Y)
Subtheme 4.2 negative creative expression	“I like to write. But most of the writings are about sad things, like feeling worthless. In fact, I once wrote a song titled “Feels Like Wanting to Die!” (Mother V)
Subtheme 4.3 pursuing school to dormitory	“Feeling unloved…. because parents really love my older sibling and younger sibling more. So in order to avoid the jealousy, I felt it’s better for me to leave, that’s why I want to continue to the pesantren (boarding school) . And also, rather than being scolded every day!” (Mother N)
	“I was already in 6th grade, I decided, no matter what happens, I have to go to the boarding school to avoid mom’s beatings and my brother’s scratches!” (Mother P)
Subtheme 4.4 seek for financial independence	“My dad barely give me money. So I decided to earn my own money. I was around 8 years old. After school, I help My friend’s mother sells ice, so I help tie them up, selling mambo ice. Put it in those little shops. I was also making money and having a great time, being an umbrella taxi, you know...! (Mother H)
	“I run away from home and earn money by doing stuff, like polishing shoes in the market, or help people to carry heavy stuff…!“ (Bapak F)
Subtheme 4.5 running away from home	“At that time, I was in 2nd grade, elementary school. I hitched a ride on a bus, but a small one. I’m hitching a ride to Padang! (Father F)

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Table 6.

Theme 5

Theme 5 parents perceptions regarding maltreatment experienced during childhood
Subtheme 5.1 “not studying hard enough!”	“… The thing I remember the most is that my mom is a total perfectionist. What I remember the most is that my mom is very much a perfectionist. When it comes to school matters, studying, she’s a perfectionist. My mom always demands that I become a champion. Maybe mom thinks I haven’t tried hard enough, huh? (Mother A)
Subtheme 5.2 “too spoiled”	“My parents seem to be over-worried about many things. So my mom and dad really watch over me, like I’m having an extreme protection. In other words, always under the parents’ armpit. In the end, it becomes like being spoiled, right? (Mother V)
Subtheme 5.3 “because I am a girl!”	“Why did my parent more caring towards my older sibling?” … But, as I said earlier, I have been trying to understand it since I was little. The fact is, my brother is the only son. Well, in Sumatra, boys are always given special attention, right? They are considered special!” (Mother N)
	“Yeah, mom really treats brother like a crystal, like a favorite…” basically like, ugh, like me, I’m really ugly, I’m like unwanted by my parents because I’m a girl!” (Mother P)
Subtheme 5.4 “because I Am not smart!”	“My parents pay more attention to my older sibling and younger sibling.” Then I thought, maybe it's because I’m not as smart, right? Because comparisons are usually about intelligence, the older sibling and the younger sibling are indeed smarter, right? Always getting top ranks, champions. I’m not like that. I once heard my parents tell my sibling, she, meaning me, is just ordinary. It means not smart. Different from my older and younger siblings!” (Mother N)
Subtheme 5.5 “my parents didn’t love me”	“It’s because my mom didn’t love me…!” (Father F)
Subtheme 5.6 “I’m not my Father’s priority”	“It seems that we are really not a priority for dad!” (Father Y)
Subtheme 5.7 “my father likes to cheat”	“Yeah, he’s the difficult type, my dad is like that. If we put it bluntly, he’s a real jerk when it comes to women. Likes to mess around with women...!” (Mother H)

Theme 1: Type of Maltreatment Experience by Parents as a Child

Informants’ narratives revealed distinct categories of maltreatment, including physical abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect. The age range when experiencing this violence is from 3 years old to 17 years old. Many described experiencing corporal punishment or physical punishment as a common form of discipline, while others recalled persistent verbal criticism and emotional rejection. Some forms of physical violence experienced by the informants include being hit with a belt, firewood, a hose, a broom, or a rattan stick. In addition, other forms of physical violence include being pinched and thrown by parents.

Some forms of emotional and psychological violence include being called unpleasant names, including being called animal names and other harsh words. Some Informant also experienced being threatened to be killed. In addition, another form of emotional and psychological violence is being constantly compared to other children who are smarter and more accomplished.

The form of neglect experienced by the informant is receiving different treatment compared to other siblings, whether biological or step-siblings. The form of neglect in this treatment, for example, is that parents show different levels of affection towards siblings, or siblings do not receive the punishment or maltreatment that the informant experiences. In addition, some informants were also exposed to domestic violence by witnessing conflicts between their parents.

Theme 2: Frequency

As to what frequency in the research is, it is defined, as to how often the maltreatment occurs. Informants shared different patterns in the frequency of maltreatment they experienced during childhood. Three major patterns emerged. One of the frequencies of maltreatment linked to academic performance. One informant recalled being pinch whenever she received a report card or when her grades declined. She also will receive verbal abuse, where the mother will yell at her in front of her friend.

Another pattern of frequency is triggered by parental conflict. Some informants described experiencing maltreatment whenever their parents were engaged in conflicts. They perceived themselves as scapegoats in these situations, where their parents redirected frustration and aggression onto them. One informant recalled become the victim of parents conflict when the family have financial problem. Other informants recounted witnessing the violence the father inflicted on the mother because the father was cheating. Another informant mentioned witnessing conflicts between the parents when the father, who rarely comes home, returns and spends money on gambling.

The last pattern of frequency of is that there are no specific conditions or unpredicted. A few informants reported experiencing maltreatment on a daily basis with no specific trigger or justification. These individuals described their caregivers as being consistently harsh and punitive.

Theme 3: Reason

Informants identified several common reasons for the maltreatment they endured as children. The main themes included. Academic Performance is one of the reasons why the maltreatment happen. Parents of informants resorted to punishment when children failed to meet academic expectations, such as receiving lower grades, not being a top performer, and failing or refuse to complete homework.

Another reason related to household responsibilities: Some informants were physically punished or verbally berated for refusing to complete household chores, reinforcing rigid expectations about obedience and labor contribution. For example, when informants didn’t put stuff where it belong. Some informants are also called unpleasant names associated with that, such as lazy and dirty.

One informant reported to received maltreatment; beaten because of food and mealtime discipline. She was being punished for not finishing her meals, which was seen as wasteful behavior that required strict correction.

Several informants recalled to receive maltreatment for social behavior and autonomy. For example, going out to play with friends without permission. Engaging in unsupervised activities often led to punishment, reflecting parental fears about control and discipline.

Parental Conflict is also another reason of why informants experience maltreatment. Some informants noted that they were punished simply because their parents were experiencing stress or conflict with each other, using them as an emotional outlet for their frustrations.

Theme 4: Defense Mechanism

Defense mechanisms, define as mental mechanisms that allow the mind to resolve issues that it cannot resolve through compromise or unconscious resources used to eventually reduce internal stress. Informants developed various defense mechanisms to cope with their maltreatment during childhood.

Some informants mentioned trying to study harder or doing academic overcompensation; informants coped by studying harder, pushing themselves to excel in school to avoid punishment. One informant recalled to have negative creative expression by writing death-themed songs or self worthless stories as an outlet for their emotional pain. Two informants seeking for escape by pursuing education at dormitory schools to physically remove themselves from their abusive home environments. Other informants seek for financial Independence. Others sought work at a young age to earn money, with the goal of gaining independence and escaping from home.

Theme 5: Parents Perceptions Regarding Maltreatment Experience

Perception can be defined as sensory experience of the environment; It is the process by which we use our senses to become conscious of things and connections. According the in-depth interview, there are some perception appear regarding the maltreatment experienced by parents. Perfectionist parenting, specifically perfectionist parents in terms of education, leading to physical punishment and verbal abuse when they failed to be the top of their class. This makes the informant perceive that their parents think they are not trying hard enough to become a champion; One informant stating that her parents are overly cautious parent. This overly cautious, driven by fear and anxiety, justified their strict discipline as necessary to prepare informant for the worst. Gender-based discipline is also perceived by some informants as why they experience maltreatment. Some informants perceived maltreatment as gendered, with female children being punished more harshly than their male siblings.

Favorism based on intelligence-based also stated by informant. Parents showed favorism toward their smarter siblings, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy. One informant internalized the belief that they were unloved due to the repeated maltreatment they experienced. Last but not least, is low parental priority. Others perceived themselves as not being a priority in their family, with resources and attention directed elsewhere.

Discussion

This study highlights the profound and lasting impact of childhood maltreatment on self-perception and parenting. Using Looking-Glass Self Theory, the findings illustrate how parents who experienced childhood maltreatment internalize the perceptions of their parents and caregivers, shaping their self-image into adulthood. The narratives collected from informants reveal that childhood maltreatment affects not only emotional and cognitive development but also influences their self-worth and coping mechanisms.

The Looking-Glass Self Theory suggests that individuals form their self-concept based on how they believe others perceive them. For the informants in this study, childhood maltreatment often resulted in a distorted self-image shaped by repeated negative feedback from their caregivers. Many informants reported internalizing feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, or rejection, which persisted into adulthood. The emotional and psychological abuse described, such as being called derogatory names or being compared unfavorably to siblings, reinforced these negative self-perceptions.

This aligns with previous research indicating that children who experience maltreatment develop maladaptive self-representations, leading to long-term struggles with self-esteem, emotional regulation, and interpersonal relationships (Silva & Calheiros, 2021). Informants in this study acknowledged that, despite recognizing their past maltreatment, they struggled to alter the ingrained negative perceptions of themselves. This highlights the enduring impact of maltreatment on an individual’s ability to view themselves positively, even after years of personal growth and life experiences.

Informants demonstrated various defense mechanisms in response to their childhood maltreatment. Some sought academic excellence as a means of gaining approval, while others turned to creative expression or sought independence at a young age. These coping mechanisms reflect an attempt to regain control over their self-perception and assert their sense of worth.

However, for some, these strategies were maladaptive, such as suppressing emotions, withdrawing from relationships, or engaging in self-deprecating thoughts. This aligns with prior findings that maltreatment survivors may struggle with trust and emotional vulnerability, often developing rigid defense mechanisms that persist into adulthood (Turner et al., 2017).

Parental Perceptions of Their Own Maltreatment

An important aspect of this study was the informants’ perceptions of why they were maltreated. Some attributed it to parental perfectionism, gender biases, or favoritism towards more academically successful siblings. Others perceived their maltreatment as a reflection of their parents’ personal struggles, such as financial stress, marital conflict, or unresolved trauma. These perceptions influenced how informants rationalized and internalized their experiences, further shaping their self-concept.

The variation in perceptions suggests that maltreatment is not always seen as intentional cruelty but rather as a complex outcome of parental circumstances and societal expectations. This perspective may influence whether survivors feel empowered to break the cycle or feel trapped in repeating the patterns of their own upbringing.

Implications for Support and Intervention

The findings of this study underscore the need for tailored interventions for parents with a history of childhood maltreatment. Since self-perception is deeply influenced by early relationships, therapeutic interventions focusing on self-worth, emotional regulation, and healthy parenting practices can be beneficial. Parenting programs that incorporate self-reflection and address the emotional consequences of maltreatment may help break the intergenerational cycle of abuse.

Additionally, social support plays a crucial role in shaping self-perception and parenting behavior. Encouraging strong support networks, therapy, and peer support groups can provide positive reinforcement and alternative perspectives that help survivors reframe their self-concept and adopt healthier parenting styles.

Conclusion

This study highlights the long-term effects of childhood maltreatment on self-perception and parenting, reinforcing the importance of social feedback in shaping an individual’s self-image. While the Looking-Glass Self Theory explains how negative childhood experiences are internalized, it also suggests that self-perception is not fixed—it can be reshaped through positive social interactions and support. Recognizing the complexity of maltreatment survivors’ experiences allows for more effective interventions that promote healing, resilience, and the prevention of intergenerational trauma.