Abstract
In the Malaysian society, the trend of singlehood is becoming more evident with increasing numbers of delayed marriages, non-marriages, and divorces. As marriage is regarded as a standard transition to adulthood, those who remain single are often perceived as social misfits and subjected to singlism. The research explores single professional women’s and men’s gendered experiences of singlehood and singlism as well as the strategies they use to negotiate singlism. Using qualitative in-depth interviews with 15 women and 15 men recruited through purposeful sampling, this research examines how these individuals perceive and experience their single status. Data were analysed using reflexive thematic analysis. Findings show that singlehood is perceived positively by single people but negatively by the society. These negative social perceptions, in turn, influence the participants’ experiences of singlehood. The findings also reflect that single people adopt strategies that demonstrate high self-esteem to cope with singlehood and to negotiate singlism.
Introduction
With the increasing number of single people and the decreasing number of new marriages, singlehood has become a rising global phenomenon. As singlehood has always been considered as a temporary transitional state before marriage, prolonged singlehood is regarded as unnatural (Song, 2010). While singlehood is considered common in many Western societies (Apostolou et al., 2019), it is considered otherwise in the Asian societies where marriages are expected especially for single women (Azmawati et al., 2015). However, singlehood has become increasingly prominent in many East Asian countries, with the age of first marriage increasing consistently for the past 40 years (Jones & Yeung, 2014). In Malaysia, the trend of singlehood is expected to rise with the growing number of delayed and non-marriages being observed as well (Jones & Tey, 2021).
Generally, married people are perceived as happier and more mature people (DePaulo & Morris, 2005). This is because marriage is considered an important part of the transition to adulthood. A complete transition to adulthood would mean that individuals need to achieve milestones such as education, employment, home-leaving, marriage, and parenthood to reflect a person’s success and maturity, usually in their 20s (Furstenberg, 2010). As marriage is often considered a significant life goal (Strong et al., 2011) and being married is on par with attaining success in life (Koropeckyj-Cox, 2005), single people who have not achieved this marriage milestone are stigmatised (Gui, 2020).
Every society has its gender structure (Risman, 2009). In societies where the patriarchal family system continues to exist, single women have higher probability to experience more negative experiences as compared to single men (Kim & Cheung, 2015). Overall, single women are more inclined to experience more negative stereotypes (Moore & Radtke, 2015), derogatory labels such as “leftover women” (Zhang & Sun, 2014), and marriage pressure (Lahad, 2017).
Singlehood in Malaysia
Singlehood is a growing trend in Malaysia with the number of marriages declining as more Malaysians are opting to stay single (Jones & Tey, 2021). Non-marriage has reportedly increased by twofold from 1982 to 2018, and the trend of singlehood can be observed especially high among highly educated people (Lai, 2021). Single women are less likely to marry due to better employment opportunities, which are a result of their educational background (Kalmijn, 2013). Educated women who are financially stable are also more likely to reject traditional gender roles (Sandström & Karlsson, 2019). The rise of singlehood does not apply to women alone, but to men as well. As single people represent a significant percentage of the Malaysian population, it is important to gain more insights into this growing trend, the reasons for singlehood, and their experiences with singlism.
Singlism is a widespread issue in everyday life. While singlehood is a growing area of research, it remains less studied as compared to the extensive body of studies on marriage and divorce in Malaysia (Jones, 2018). Lack of research and recognition to this issue has allowed negative perceptions of singlehood to persist. This places single people at a disadvantage in various aspects of their lives. Societal biases that portray single people as incomplete or less successful do not only affect their social interactions but also have negative consequences to their professional lives.
Unlike more recognised forms of discrimination, such as those based on gender or race, singlism is not widely recognised as a form of bias (DePaulo, 2011). This issue is paid low attention probably due to the social perception that no physical harm is involved; thus, it is “unproblematic and acceptable” (Morris et al., 2008, p. 189). Singlehood is a very common phenomenon in the Western societies (Apostolou et al., 2019). In East Asia particularly, singlehood is prominently noted in countries like China, South Korea, Taiwan, and Japan (Esteve et al., 2020). However, research on singlehood in Malaysia remains limited. Societal attitudes towards singlehood in Western and other East Asian countries may differ from those in Malaysia, where cultural and religious factors play a significant role in shaping perceptions of marriage and singlehood. The research aims to account for the nuances of singlehood in Malaysia, making it crucial to explore how these individuals experience singlism within their local social and professional environments. Most singlehood studies focus primarily on the experiences of single women (Ibrahim & Hassan, 2009a). This leaves a considerable gap in the research on single men as the challenges faced by single men are often overlooked (Himawan et al., 2018; Timonen & Doyle, 2014). This further limits our understanding of singlism as a whole and thus, this research aims to provide a comprehensive overview of how both women and men experience this form of discrimination. This study aims to contribute to a more inclusive understanding of singlism by investigating the experiences of single individuals in Malaysia. By focusing on both single women and men, this research will provide a more nuanced perspective on how singlism is experienced and the strategies single people employ to negotiate singlism and cope with singlehood. To address these gaps, the research aims to investigate how single women and men in Malaysia perceive singlehood and experience singlism, and the negotiating and coping strategies they adopt to navigate these challenges. The research questions for this study are: How do single professional women and men perceive singlehood and experience singlism, and what strategies do they adopt to negotiate singlism and cope with singlehood?
Methodology
Qualitative in-depth interviews were conducted with 15 single professional women and 15 single professional men in their 30s to explore experiences of singlehood and negotiation of singlism. In-depth interviews were chosen for their ability to elicit rich personal perspectives and insights through purposeful discussion (Johnson & Rowlands, 2012; Roulston & Halpin, 2022). Participants were recruited using purposeful sampling, specifically volunteer and homogenous approaches, to ensure eligibility. Recruitment occurred via a Facebook post describing the study and direct approaches to potential participants. Inclusion criteria required participants to be unmarried, childless Malaysians aged 30 or above, with at least a bachelor’s degree, employed as professionals, and residing in Klang Valley. Reflexivity was addressed by acknowledging the researcher’s similar background (age, education, and nationality), which helped establish rapport and trust as an insider (Chammas, 2020). Pre-existing relationships facilitated open communication. All were Malaysians between 30 and 39, representing various ethnic groups, though the analysis emphasised nationality over ethnicity. Some participants were in relationships but did not plan to marry.
Data were collected through semi-structured interviews guided by 20 open-ended questions on perceptions and negotiations of singlehood and singlism. Interviews were mainly in English, with common code-switching to Malay or Chinese. This conversational approach fostered openness (Byrne, 2018). Interviews lasted 30–40 minutes, were audio-recorded with consent, and were manually transcribed. All participants were informed, consented, and provided with participation information. Data analysis followed Braun and Clarke’s (2006) reflexive thematic analysis, comprising familiarisation, coding, theme generation, review, refinement, and write-up, allowing flexible yet rigorous analysis (Clarke et al., 2015). The names used in this article are pseudonyms and do not correspond to the real names of participants.
Findings
Single People’s Perceptions Towards Singlehood
All the participants acknowledged that singlehood has brought them advantages to their lives. They considered singlehood to be especially advantageous in several aspects which include personal freedom, independence, financial advantages, no spousal commitment, and career advancement. Due to their singlehood, the participants expressed that they are able to do things freely without being controlled by another person. Singlehood allows the participants to live the lifestyle they desire, which includes indulging in personal hobbies and spending time with their family and friends. Additionally, they also considered themselves to have financial advantages and more opportunities for career advancement. For example, Carmen, 35-year-old, said: I’m financially independent. I’m able to live the lifestyle that I really want. I’m able to meet or hang out with the people that I really want to and not by force. I think I’m actually having a good life now.
Although singlehood was viewed positively in many respects, participants commonly identified loneliness as a major disadvantage, particularly as they grew older. For example, Iqbal, 31-year-old, said: You also have cons whereby maybe as you grow older, you feel a bit lonely, and you feel like you need to start a family or else you might be really old when you have children later.
Participants cited personal freedom as the primary reason for remaining single, alongside financial independence, the ability to care for ageing parents, and the absence of a suitable partner. For example, Qistina, 34-year-old, said: Both of my parents are of age and not really well. I would prefer to devote my life for them. If I find a nice and good husband then it would be okay. But what if I don’t?
Some participants expressed hesitancy towards entering new relationships or marriage, citing a reluctance to disrupt their current lifestyles and negative experiences from past relationships. For example, Rajesh, 38-year-old, said: If we stay single, it’s probably because we didn’t go through a good experience.
Single People’s Perceptions Towards Marriage
Many participants acknowledged a prevailing societal belief that people should marry by a certain age, especially women, often citing the influence of the “biological clock.” For example, Irene, 31-year-old, said: For females, their biological clock stop ticking maybe at 35 years old. I think 35 is a cut-off point.
Most anticipated that marriage would negatively affect their professional goals and personal pursuits, expecting less time for work or hobbies as family obligations increased. For example, Jody, 33-year-old, said: I feel that when you’re married, it’s going to be very difficult for you to climb the career ladder. It’s going to be very difficult to focus on work and at the same time trying to raise a family. I think that if I had been married earlier, I would not have been where I am today and I probably would not be talking about pursuing higher education.
Similarly, Haris, 32-year-old, also said: My [future] wife would understand that I want to climb the corporate ladder. I would want to have an achievement that would make her proud. That wouldn’t be a problem. But in terms of studying or doing things that don’t really benefit or make money, those aren’t going to be part of it.
Nevertheless, many, particularly those in relationships, still expressed a strong likelihood of marrying in the future. This reflects their desire to formalise relationships or reduce social stigma, which would, in turn, alleviate some difficulties in their daily lives. For example, Ling, 34-year-old, said: I will get married in future. I want the relationship to be legal. Sometimes, if you go for a vacation and you share room with your boyfriend, the people at the counter will look at you in a weird manner. The major factor is this one, and the minor one is that I want to have kids.
For those who were currently not in relationships, some felt open to marriage but were not actively seeking it. For example, Ruth, 34-year-old, said: I’m open to the options because it's indefinite with what comes in life. Maybe I’ll meet somebody.
Others noted parental pressure played a role in their decision-making. For example, Devi, 34-year-old, said: If it wasn’t for my parents, I think I’ll just choose to stay single. Even if I have a man in my life, it is not necessary to get married. Just living together is fine. But for my parents’ happiness, I will consider getting married. I get mostly negative remarks. There’s [sic] a lot of negative responses and at times I really get affected by it because I feel like I’m forcing my parents to be unhappy that I’m not settled in life yet.
The Perceptions of Parents, Close Friends, and Co-Workers Towards Singlehood
Participants described mixed reactions from their parents, close friends, and co-workers regarding their single status. Most experienced neutral attitudes from parents, although some single women faced more restrictions, particularly around travel and social activities. For example, Sofia, 32-year-old, said: Most definitely my family is not okay with it. I have to sneak around when I do these kinds of things so they’re not aware of it. They wouldn’t be happy if they found out. I would have to hide a [sic] certain things I do, so that I don’t have to have conversations like, “Oh you’re not married, you’re not supposed to go there.”
Friends’ perceptions ranged from neutral to slightly negative, particularly from married friends, who sometimes encouraged getting married and at other times expressed contradictory views. Several participants felt left out during group gatherings where conversations revolved around family life. For example, Jody, 34-year-old, said: My friends would try their best to keep me in the conversation but sometimes I end up feeling left out although I know they don’t mean to. I end up feeling left out because sometimes they would be sitting down talking about their children, their husband and their life as a wife.
In the workplace, participants commonly noted that single employees were expected to take on more work or less desirable schedules due to the perception that they had fewer personal obligations. For example, Ruth, 34-year-old, said: People would just have an understanding that weekends are for their family. But this single person doesn’t have a baby to take care, doesn’t have to be answering to the husband. She is free and flexible, and she can arrange her own time. She can be expected to go and pick up a delivery or go for the signing of agreement, to get things done when everybody else is busy. They don’t have a mindset that a single person has a full schedule as well. What they’re always thinking about is you don’t have a spouse; you don’t have kids. Therefore, you don’t need to do anything, you’re free.
The participants also noted that single employees did not enjoy the same privilege of flexible working hours as married employees. Single employees were often expected to finish their work or attend meetings after working hours but married employees had more leeway to leave work early. For example, Irene, 31-year-old, said: In my workplace, they will actually prioritise people who are married and have children. For people who are single, they presume you have more time so you can do more things. They expect more from you also. We have a teaching timetable. Mothers and married people get to not have the 8.30a.m. classes or the 3.30p.m. classes because they have to pick up their kids or something like that. But for people who are single, we have to do it.
Many also observed that married colleagues were often prioritised for flexible hours or leave during festive seasons, reinforcing the perception that single employees’ family needs were less important.
Marriage Pressure Towards Single People
Most participants reported experiencing social or familial pressure to marry, especially during gatherings or festive seasons. For example, Paul, 37-year-old, said: For Chinese, especially if you have reached a certain age, very likely after 30, then you’ll be pressurised by your family, especially during Chinese New Year. “When do you want to get married? Do you have a girlfriend?” and so on. That is the pressure from the family.
This pressure was typically more pronounced for women. In addition to encouragement and questioning, five female participants reported that their parents arranged formal matchmaking sessions in hopes of facilitating marriage. For example, Devi, 34-year-old, said: My parents have really seriously pushed me into one. It was quite a bad experience because I tried to argue. I didn’t want to go through it because I heard some comments about how the boys were only interested in lighter skinned girls whereas I’m on the darker skin side. That made me feel really annoyed and I tried to fight against like my parents’ demand, but it got really out of hand.
The Role of Gender in Singlism
Participants widely recognised that both single women and men face singlism but emphasised that the negative societal judgment is often stronger for women. Derogatory labels and pressure are more commonly directed at single women, especially as they age, or focus on their careers. Many female participants reported derogatory remarks tied to their age, such as being labelled “andartu” (old maid) or compared unfavourably to outdated goods, while single men often attracted far less stigma. For example, Devi, 34-year-old, said: If you’re a man and you’re single, you are perceived as a bottle of wine like as you grow older, you become a more refined kind of product. But if you’re a female, it’s like you’re like a carton of milk, you just turn sour.
Career success did not shield women from negative perceptions. Several recounted being overlooked for their professional achievements or having these attributed to hidden male support. For example, Ruth, 34-year-old, said: When you choose to be single, or when you’re handling a singlehood life very gracefully, they would think that this person probably has somebody behind the scenes, taking care of her. They would not relate your own success or your own happiness with your own effort.
In contrast, successful single men were often viewed in a positive light, portrayed as accomplished or sophisticated, and their single status was frequently associated with attractiveness, independence, and desirability. For example, May, 34-year-old, said: For men, it’s often seen as impressive, “Oh, he’s a bachelor, a silver fox, a diamond bachelor,” especially if he’s successful and single. But when a woman is successful and single, people tend to label her in ways like “huang hou,” “empress,” “dowager,” or other negative stereotypes. They try to paint us as if we’re some kind of black widow, especially if we’re strong in our careers. When a man is strong in his work, it’s celebrated, “Oh, he’s a successful bachelor, no problem.” But when a woman is strong and single in her career, people think she must be a witch or something’s wrong with her. But that’s not the case. We just need to stop thinking that way.
Participants also noted women were judged harshly for remaining single due to a perceived biological clock. For example, Liew, 34-year-old, said: My elder sister is still single. She doesn’t even have a partner yet. She got a lot more pressure from my other family members than me. They’ll start pressuring her like, “Oh when are you getting married? You’re not getting any younger. If you don’t have kids now, your ovary is going to sag.”
Similarly, Irene, 31-year-old, also said: The society feels that a female’s biological clock stop ticking at the age of 35 so they cannot have kids anymore. But for men, they don’t have a biological clock. They can father children until 70. If they’re single at 30, it’s not a problem. But for single female at 30, it is a problem.
Finally, participants also noted that single men were generally perceived as having more opportunities to find partners as they grew older. Many participants observed that men in their 40s or beyond could seek relationships with younger women in their 20s or 30s, whereas this possibility was much less accessible for single women. On the other hand, single women in their 30s reported facing more barriers and fewer prospects when searching for potential partners. For example, Sofia, 32-year-old, said: If you’re 40-year-old woman, you have limited options. I’m not saying that it’s not okay for them to marry someone younger. They can. But then it’s going to be very tiring for them, to have that conversation, “Is it okay for me to marry this 20-year-old guy?” for example. Of course, I feel that, do whatever that it makes you happy, but I think to go through that in life, you would have to explain to every single person, “Oh, this is my husband, this is not my son,” for example.
Negotiating Strategies Against Singlism
Participants categorised singlism as either intentional or unintentional. Intentional singlism referred to deliberate actions of discrimination and negative stereotyping towards single people with the intention to mock and humiliate. Unintentional singlism, on the other hand, referred to unintended actions of discrimination and stereotyping towards single people which usually arose through well-meaning but persistent questions or remarks from family and friends, often during social gatherings. Participants primarily encountered unintentional singlism from elderly family members in the form of persistent questions or comments about their single status. To navigate these situations, they described several coping strategies which included responding politely with a generic or spontaneous reply, turning the situation into a joke and laughing it off, or simply ignoring the situation. They believed these strategies were effective in diverting the topic or dismissing the situation quickly. For example, Oliver, 34-year-old, said: No matter how many times I tried to talk to them, they have that mindset, so it’s kind of hard. I have been through this before but it never worked. So, I just move forward, divert the topics. Every time they bring up the topics, I will just try to, you know, “Let’s talk about food, let’s talk about TV programmes.”
Nevertheless, participants also adopted a more assertive approach by defending their single status when it is absolutely necessary. For example, Devi, 34-year-old, said: Actually, I don’t really have a problem with the society per se but with my family, yes, because I think they feel pressured by society. I just try to explain to them what are my expectations and of course parents being parents, they will try to tell you, “Oh, you know, marriage is a sacrifice. Not everything is up to your expectation.” But so far, I’ve managed to just argue my way out without any other questions.
Coping With Singlehood
Participants emphasised that coping with singlehood required a proactive approach. Many highlighted the importance of maintaining self-confidence and positive thinking, fostering a positive self-image, and focusing on personal growth and achievements. For example, Carmen, 35-year-old, said: I think it’s about your confidence level. If your confidence level is high and you present yourself so well that people look up to you instead of like making fun of you, that’s more important than anything. There are so many single ladies out who are so successful. They are so far high up that people can’t reach them. So that’s something that people are envious of. It’s not really that bothersome to me.
Additionally, establishing strong support networks, particularly with family and friends, was also viewed as essential to emotional well-being. Furthermore, engaging in self-improvement activities or focusing on life goals and achievements also helped single people to embrace their singlehood more fully. For example, Nandan, 38-year-old, said: I think they can focus on their career. They can achieve their goal in their career. When someone achieves something, it’s actually an attraction so people won’t actually see whether they are single or married. It’s some kind of attraction of power.
Similarly, Indira, 34-year-old, also said: You have to be strong to know what you want and just go for what you want. I think nowadays there’s [sic] a lot of things that you can do. You can do a lot of research by yourself, because you have access to information now everywhere. It’s easy for you to access so read up on a lot of things, and improve yourself, and I think the most important thing is that you have to be very mentally strong about it.
Discussion and Conclusion
The participants’ perceptions of singlehood largely depend on how they personally feel about their single status. However, their experiences with singlehood are not solely shaped by these personal feelings, but are significantly influenced by external social factors, such as their social circles and societal institutions. Due to the generally negative perceptions society holds towards singlehood, single people often face marriage pressure and unequal treatment compared to their married counterparts. These experiences may inadvertently shape single people’s perceptions of marriage, and, ultimately, their views on singlehood as well. This research identifies marriage pressure and unequal treatment as two major forms of singlism.
The participants’ perceptions and attitudes towards singlehood can be observed from three major aspects: the advantages, the disadvantages, and their reasons for singlehood. Findings show that freedom and independence are two major advantages while loneliness is a major disadvantage of being single. Consistent with previous studies, Kislev (2019) noted that freedom and independence are the most commonly mentioned advantages of staying single. Apostolou et al. (2023) also highlighted that being single can lead to feelings of loneliness. Similar findings were reported by Ang et al. (2020), who identified “social and emotional freedom” as the primary advantages and “the absences of companionship and emotional support” as the main disadvantages (p. 3090). While singlehood offers both advantages and disadvantages, the participants expressed that it provides more benefits than drawbacks, particularly in terms of freedom, financial advantages, and career opportunities, which together enable them to lead a fulfilling life. All the participants perceived their singlehood positively, which further shows that they accept and embrace their single status. This supports Gui’s (2020) statement that most single people show self-confidence and optimism towards life. When asked to describe singlehood, they often used positive terms such as freedom, independence, flexibility, no pressure, and not being controlled. Negative terms such as lonely, bored, alone, and having no one were generally less used, which clearly show that the participants value their freedom and independence. They acknowledged that the benefits of being single come with some drawbacks, and thus, they use these advantages to minimise the negatives. With the freedom, time, and financial flexibility their singlehood offers, the participants combat feelings of loneliness by engaging in activities and hobbies that interest them. The main reason male participants gave for staying single was personal freedom, while none of the female participants cited freedom as their reason. Most female participants stated that they had no particular reason for staying single and simply had not found the right person yet.
Despite claiming to embrace singlehood, the majority of participants expressed high likelihood to marry in future too. Their high likelihood of marrying implies that they do not reject the idea of marriage. Ho (2015) found that higher life satisfaction is linked to more positive attitudes towards marriage. Given the participants’ high education and stable careers, they likely have high life satisfaction, which may have positively influenced their attitudes towards marriage. However, marriage remains a low priority for them.
While most participants anticipated changes to their lives after marriage, a greater number of female participants specifically expressed concerns about their professional goals and personal pursuits. Such-Pyrgiel (2014) found that single people are more likely to invest time in hobbies they enjoy, with single women being more inclined to spend time with friends and family. Generally, women tend to experience more negative effects after marriage, especially after childbirth, as the responsibility for household matters and childbearing often falls primarily on them (Çelik, 2018). The expectation for single people to abandon their life goals after marriage in order to focus solely on their spouse and children can lead to unequal gender roles, particularly for women, as they are often the primary caregivers. These unequal roles and the second shifts faced by women are more likely to result in unhappy marriages, contributing to lower happiness and life satisfaction (Bourassa et al., 2015). Single people tend to experience greater happiness and life satisfaction, as their lifestyle allows them to invest more time and effort in their careers, leading to better income and quality of life. However, the participants anticipated that marriage would require them to sacrifice both personal and professional pursuits, potentially affecting their career success and overall well-being.
Despite the potential for unequal gender roles after marriage, participants often depicted themselves as fitting into these traditional roles. This may indicate that they still hold traditional views on marriage, which could explain their high likelihood of marrying in the future. Male participants were more likely to discuss financial-related matters and tended to portray themselves as the “provider” of the family. Female participants, on the other hand, expressed their willingness to lead a “traditional lifestyle” after marriage and tended to portray themselves as “caregiver” and “follower of their husband.” Gui (2020) highlighted that women are often expected to take on the caregiver role, which adds responsibilities. Despite being highly educated and successful in their careers, female participants in this study expressed a willingness to adopt the caregiver role after marriage, allowing their husbands to be the primary breadwinners. This could indicate that traditional gender roles are so deeply ingrained in society that they influence the participants’ views, often without their awareness.
Considering that the desired marriageable age is between 28 and 30 years old, this suggests that their likelihood of marrying may be influenced by social pressure. Sprecher and Felmlee (2021) mentioned that social environment may be an influencing factor to single people’s decision to become partnered. While participants do not feel pressure to marry currently, they experienced it when they were younger, particularly from elderly relatives such as grandparents, uncles, or aunts. Parents and close friends have attempted to set up the participants with someone, either through formal matchmaking sessions or informal meetings. Sprecher and Felmlee (2021) noted that while family and friends do not exert immense pressure, they play a significant role in helping single people meet potential partners by “facilitating opportunities for pairs to spend fun time together” (p. 247). They are encouraged to do so because society views being single as unnatural (Koropeckyj-Cox, 2005). To address this “problem” (Lahad, 2012), there is a perceived need to pair single people, often through matchmaking or informal meetings. Female participants attended formal matchmaking sessions arranged by their parents. Consistent with previous studies, To (2015) noted that single daughters often comply with such requests to fulfil filial duties. Similarly, Ip and Peeren (2019) saw this as a way for daughters to meet their parents’ expectations. It was observed that male participants provided brief responses when asked about marriage pressure, while female participants gave more detailed accounts and examples. This aligns with Gugová and Heretik’s (2011) findings that women tend to “speak more openly about the emotional aspects of demanding situation” (p. 30). It can be inferred that male participants may be less affected by social pressure, or that female participants are more comfortable sharing their feelings.
Although some participants reported neutral treatment and others reported negative treatment, all participants had similar workplace experiences, including being asked to do extra work, having less flexible working hours, and being less prioritised for leave applications. Certain priorities are given to married employees, indicating that they have some privileges compared to single employees. Married employees are generally more respected, and married men in particular are more likely to be promoted. This mirrors the findings of Denson and Szelényi (2020), who discovered that married employees are more likely to be promoted and receive higher salaries compared to single employees. Many companies tend to view married individuals as more stable and committed to their work due to their family commitments (Akanji et al., 2020). Although married employees are viewed as more committed and stable, single employees are often the ones tasked with more work. Overall, this supports the claim made by Casper and DePaulo (2012) that single people frequently face unfair workplace treatment while receiving fewer privileges.
Gender is a contributing factor in singlism in which derogatory remarks and marriage pressure are more severe towards single women. Terms like spinsters, old maid, cat lady, and cougar are “specifically reserved for the single woman” (Paynter, 2020, p. 228). Singlism against women is also age-based as mothers in their 30s are considered as “young mothers” but single women of the same age are considered as “old” (Lahad & Hazan, 2014, p. 132). Additionally, romantic relationships between older women and younger men are perceived more negatively than relationships between older men and younger women (Vanderheiden, 2021). Successful single women who can afford luxurious lifestyles are often labelled as “mistresses,” implying they rely on married men for financial security rather than being self-sufficient (Wen, 2020). Older men are typically seen as the financial providers in relationships (Nascimento, 2021), which leads to doubts about the legitimacy of purchases made by single women. As a result, their ability to achieve financial independence is frequently questioned (Paynter, 2020). Clerkin et al. (2015) found that women are more often called bossy in the workplace than men. Brescoll and Uhlmann (2008) noted that women who express anger at work are generally perceived more negatively than men due to societal expectations of women being kinder and more modest. O’Brien et al. (2023) highlighted that gender bias makes it harder for women to advance in leadership, as they must constantly “prove themselves” to “gain respect” (p. 1876).
Most participants were aware of being treated differently due to their single status, but they viewed the singlism they experienced as mostly unintentional, using various strategies to navigate it. Zajicek and Koski (2003) referred to these as “strategies of resistance” (p. 377). The findings also suggest that positive self-esteem helps single people cope with singlism more effectively. When negotiating unintentional singlism, the following strategies are used: 1. Giving a generic or spontaneous response; 2. Turning the situation into a joke or laughing it off; 3. Simply ignoring the situation; and 4. Defending their single status, only when it is absolutely necessary
Retnaningsih (2013) found that repeated questioning may become too tedious for participants to handle, which likely explains why most simply brush off the situation. Himawan et al. (2019) also noted that single people often use humour to navigate such situations, as it is an effective way to safeguard their well-being. Male participants are more likely to dismiss the situation, whereas female participants are more likely to defend themselves. This is likely because female participants are more prone to receiving pressure and negative perceptions compared to male participants. Zajicek and Koski (2003) also stated that women and men experience stigmatisation and pressure differently, which may lead them to use different strategies of resistance to handle the situation.
There are several coping strategies that incorporate positive self-esteem that single people can adopt in order to avoid becoming targets of singlism. These coping strategies include: 1. Being aware of stigma that comes with singlehood; 2. Staying strong mentally to not be affected by social pressure; 3. Being content with one’s singlehood; 4. Developing positive self-esteem through incorporating positivity in life as well as education and career advancement; 5. Maintaining a positive image through improvement of physical appearances; and 6. Maintaining strong relationships with family and friends.
The coping strategies are consistent with previous studies. Kislev’s (2019) claimed that single people who are aware of singlism have higher “sense of self-worth and happiness” (p. 90). Paynter (2020) also mentioned that single people who are conscious of the social pressure they face are more likely to be happier and have better well-being. Furthermore, Mrozowicz-Wrońska et al. (2023) stated that personal or career development is a constructive way to adapt to singlehood. Similarly, Shahrak et al. (2023) also said that education and career advancement help single people to cope with singlehood. Single people with higher education are more likely to possess higher self-esteem (Ochnik & Mandal, 2016), which in turn can help alleviate the feeling of stigmatisation. According to Shahrak et al. (2023), maintaining a good lifestyle, in terms of beauty and health, can be an important coping strategy for single women. Similarly, Mrozowicz-Wrońska et al. (2023) found that enhancing self-image and dealing with “personal deficits” (p. 368) are two strategies adopted by single men to cope with singlehood. Nanik, et al. (2020) also said that strong social support from family and friends enables single people to live their lives fruitfully through involvements of various activities. Surrounding oneself with positive environments can help to increase one’s level of self-esteem and well-being (Paynter, 2020).
To sum up, the participants generally view their singlehood positively, but their experiences may not always align with this due to the negative social perceptions surrounding singlehood. While single people, in general, experience singlism, single women tend to face it more severely than single men. The participants adopted various strategies to negotiate singlism and cope with the challenges of singlehood, enabling them to thrive despite societal pressures.
Footnotes
Author Note
Jenny Tan conducted this research as a PhD candidate at Universiti Malaya.
The researcher is currently at the Centre for Pre-University, IMU University, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank my supervisors, Dr. Rusaslina Idrus and Dr. Shahreen Mat Nayan, for their insightful feedback and constructive suggestions on earlier drafts of this article.
Ethical Considerations
The University of Malaya Research Ethics Committee (UMREC) at Universiti Malaya approved our interviews (Reference Number: UM.TNC2/UMREC-568) on July 11, 2019.
Consent to Participate
All participants were provided with a participant information sheet and a consent form, which they read and signed prior to the commencement of the interviews.
Funding
The author received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Declaration of Conflicting Interests
The author declared no potential conflict of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Data Availability Statement
The data that support the findings of this study are available from the corresponding author upon reasonable request. The data are not publicly available due to their containing information that could compromise the privacy of research participants.