From a woman’s perspective from Russia . . .

Introduction

Dear colleagues, I am honoured and pleased to contribute and respond to Sue’s report (Einhorn, 2021). Thank you to Sue for inviting me and to the organizers for presenting me with this opportunity. Misogyny and looking through its prism at female relationships is a new topic for me and has also been little explored in Russian psychology and group analysis. At the same time, Sue offers a very interesting and promising approach, opening up a new way of thinking about ourselves, women, groups, society and the therapeutic process.

The problems of the woman described in the three-level model and the relationship with her mother and other women in the family and friendships are easily identified in the experience of psychotherapeutic practice in cases where the relationship between mother and daughter has been disrupted. However, as far as I understood, or I thought Sue’s point is: misogyny is a universal, social and psychological mechanism inherent in the development of women in the conventional norm in a patriarchal world, and all of us women have internalized through identification with the mother the protective attitude to suppress our desires and conform to the social norms of patriarchal society. I think the degree of misogyny and forms of its manifestation in every particular woman depends on foundation matrix, on family culture, as well as her psychic maturity. Since the foundation matrix of patriarchy actualizes archaic experiences in us, it is important in what mental structure they arise and how well the psyche copes with them. I associate the ‘critical chorus’ with the preoedipal super-ego, the rigidity of which depends on the availability of good experiences that can neutralize the critical voices, retain the connection with good objects, keep the love and acceptance of the self. If this is successful, it is possible to cope with feelings of envy, jealousy, hatred and to develop good relationships with women, to feel intimacy and warmth.

Socio-historical context

Russia has always been and remains a patriarchal country with the Tsar-Father in pre-revolutionary years, the Father of Nations in the USSR, the President in the modern RF. The maternal figure on the social level has at all times been associated with a personified image of Russia: Mother Russia, Mother Russian Ground, Motherland.

Socialism

After the 1917 revolution and the overthrow of Tsarism, equal rights for women and men were proclaimed, which was great progress for the time. In practice, however, this generally led to an overburdening of women with both female and male responsibilities, and the patriarchal structure of society was modified but maintained.

Women became helpers of the state in the construction of socialism, a labour resource, and the labour role of women was extolled as equal to that of men. This approach often led to one-sided development, the sublimation of libido into work and love of country, the suppression of sexuality, the infantilization of women into a sexless, childish or masculinized position. Often one could hear the attitude of older women towards the young, that one should study, become a good specialist, get a good job and then get married one day, it can wait (devaluation of relationships). At the same time, sex before marriage was condemned in the Soviet Union. There was also an opposite attitude for girls: ‘study, work is not important, the main thing is to marry well’. In between these extreme approaches, of course, there were intermediate forms, more or less taking into account the different needs of women. I have given examples of these widespread parental and social attitudes in Soviet times to demonstrate how role models were set up, implying that women split into an independent worker or as being completely dependent on their husbands. In general, the social attitude of Soviet people is expressed by the words of a popular song in the Soviet Union: ‘There is a good tradition in the Komsomol family, Think of the Motherland before you think of yourself’. The shame of one’s desires stemming from this attitude is in one way or another still relevant today.

Social trauma

Another important factor that had a huge impact on the social development of women in Russia should be noted. These were the losses of men in the two wars, the Civil War (1917–1922) and the Great Patriotic War (Second World War) (1941–1945). Women were left alone with orphaned children in their arms in the face of enormous social upheaval during the war and the post-war devastation and famine. The grief of severed attachments combined with the need to cope with everything alone, and the fact that the lives of families in several generations were shaped differently by the loss of a husband, father, grandfather, son or brother, is a social traumatic experience whose consequences have yet to be fully understood. I think that this social reality has brought with it the experience of both helplessness and omnipotence, the belief that a woman can cope with everything on her own. At the same time, at the level of the social matrix in Russia, there is a yearning for a male figure, which is often evident in the predominantly female analytical groups. At times this is a longing for an idealized heroic figure of a husband, a father who will protect against all calamities. In the absence of men, grandmothers help their daughters raise their children and there is a lot of intergenerational help.

Family context

To give you an example, let me briefly talk about some aspects of the relationships between women in my family. Mum and Dad were loving, responsible parents, both worked, Dad worked and earned more, Mum was more dedicated to the family, generally followed the traditional division of roles and responsibilities, but not rigidly. Dad was able to help Mum in housekeeping tasks when necessary and they both took care of us—the children—a lot. Mum supported me and my sister in our female roles, studies and social achievements to the extent of matching her security experience. When my work required more visibility to the state, to society, than matched my mother’s idea of security, my mother became frightened. I realized at some point that to succeed in my work, I needed to become the ‘bad’ daughter to my mother, as ‘good’ daughters behave safely. It was important that my father supported my goals. In the aftermath, my mother was proud of me. I know that a lot of Russian women experience similar difficulties. I help my clients with an awareness of this conflict, which leads to an end to women’s self-sabotage, as Sue mentioned in her lecture, and to greater fulfilment.

What do dreams tell us?

I will conclude with an example from the Social Dream Matrix (SDM) that sheds some light on the nature of misogyny, relationships between women and the contents of Level 3, the ‘secret cage of emotions’.

At the Moscow Institute for Group Analysis, a course on ‘Dreaming in Group Psychotherapy’ was held in cycles, which included a weekly SDM. We will talk about two SDM sessions in different groups, which took place in 2016 and 2017. The dynamics of both meetings were related to the theme of initiation as a transition from one state to another, from adolescence to adulthood (turning a girl into a woman, a young man into a man). In these meetings, only women were present (the few men in the group skipped the sessions, experiencing the theme of initiation outside the group, which is typical of male initiation).

In one group, the dreams had a similar theme: the women dreamt of maniacs who they were able to fight off, and then dreamt that they were in contact with a man. In the reflection, it was understood that the women felt the power to protect themselves, their boundaries, and felt that contact was not destructive and it was possible to enter into it. At the same time, it was important to have a transitional space, symbolically reminiscent of the ancient Russian custom of giving a girl in marriage. On the eve of the wedding, the bride was dressed and prepared for the ceremony by her nanny-mothers, older women, helping her to prepare psychologically for her new status and mourn her separation from her parental family.

In another group, the dreams were filled with aggression and sexual attraction, and body parts were dreamt about. For example, there was a dream where the vagina went out and walked around town. In association and reflection, women were aroused, united, angry at men for all the wrongs and neglect of women at all times in all cultures and religions! They talked about terrorism, felt they were having a witches’ coven in the absence of the men of the group and enjoyed it. We discussed archaic images of Eve and Lilith in the context that Lilith—an equal female partner—was rejected by God and Eve—created from Adam’s rib, is dependent, is in a childlike position, has no voice. The duality of the image of the mother in the person of Lilith, Baba Yaga, the witch was fantasized about. On the one hand, these are mothers who kill and devour children, on the other hand, these characters originally had a different character. Lilith was offended, that is why she was so aggressive. Baba Yaga in ancient versions of tales is a witch, an older woman, she knows a lot and helps people. Also witch (‘vedma’)—the word has the root ‘ved’—to know. They are women endowed with female strength, knowledge, developed emotional intuitive system, influence. However, centuries of history have shown that it is not safe to be visible, beautiful, knowledgeable. The Inquisition came to mind, where men feared female influence and massacred women. So female power is detached, bursting forth in dreams, it cannot be manifested, it looks like a coven. The image of the vagina walking around the city was indicative of the detached female aggression that has come out and is protesting, uniting women. It is important to note that on the day of this SDM session there was a terrorist attack in Moscow, we learned about it later. There is no doubt that SDM opens up access to unconscious social processes with which the group seems to have been in contact. What does it mean to break through detached female aggression and protest concerning the social context? Did the hatred relate to men or the maternal image of the social environment?

Misogyny relates to split attitudes towards women. The detached parts appear in dreams. To cope with misogyny the integration of the parts is important.

Thank you for your attention.