Abstract
Deborah K. van den Hoonaard’s By Himself: The Older Man’s Experience of Widowhood is an important addition to a small collection of work aimed at filling gaps in social research on old age. Other social scientists have drawn attention to a lack of research on age as an area of social inequality, the omission of gender in gerontological studies, and a failure to investigate old men as men. In addition, van den Hoonaard draws the reader’s attention to the fact that studies on widowhood have largely ignored the widower, focusing instead on women. By Himself offers a unique perspective, exploring masculinity in old age through the experience of widowhood.
Old men are often unable to meet the requirements of hegemonic masculinity, leaving them vulnerable to a loss of status as men. A position often associated with women, widowhood may increase this loss of status. Couched primarily in a symbolic interactionist perspective, By Himself offers a glimpse into the world of widowers through their own interpretations and words. Part one of the book, containing the first two chapters, focuses largely on introducing the study and the underlying issues associated with masculinity and widowhood. Chapter one situates the study by highlighting its paradigmatic foundations in qualitative research, ethnography, and symbolic interactionism. Chapter two focuses on masculinity in older widowers, describing the impression management techniques used by the participants as they explored their position in relation to the “weak identity” of widower. Van den Hoonaard brings to light the complex negotiation of masculinity and widowhood, often in contrast to pervasive cultural narratives associated with being a widower: men who are in a hurry to recouple, and men who are unable to function on their own.
The chapters in part two explore the themes associated with the early experiences of widowhood. Poignant accounts of loss and the first days of widowhood draw the reader’s attention to the human face of widowers. These chapters illustrate the diversity of responses men had to the loss of their wives. Drawing on previous academic literature that suggests that men lack a vocabulary for grief, part two offers examples of the very different ways that men were able to articulate the experience of grief and loss.
Part three focuses on interpersonal relationships of widowers including those with friends, family, and women. These chapters draw in discussions of larger issues of gender inequality, with widowers attempting to retain their power in relationships with women (daughters and romantic interests alike). The chapters in part three highlight masculinity and the renegotiation of relationships that are often permanently altered by the loss of a loved one.
Part four investigates the daily lives and activities of widowers, and describes their experiences with changed home environments, their social activities, and their participation in tasks generally associated with women, such as housework and cooking. In these chapters, the widowers discuss how their home life is changed by their loss, but also how they, as men, negotiate these changes.
Not only does van den Hoonaard’s study build on the important (though often scarce) academic literature on old men as men but it also has particular characteristics that make it stand out. First, By Himself is based on interviews with widowers in two very different geographic locations, and illuminates localized enactments of masculinity. Second, van den Hoonaard draws the reader’s attention to the ways that widowers articulate their experiences, providing an additional window of analysis to the larger gender structure. Finally, van den Hoonaard’s previous research with widows allows her to contextualize the responses of widowers in comparison.
By Himself is an exciting example of the ways that qualitative research can highlight intersectional inequalities, as well as the ways that a micro focus can illuminate larger social forces. It is highly readable and will be enjoyed by academic and lay readers alike. It will be of particular use to those in the social sciences, but will also be an important addition to the libraries of those scholars focusing on interdisciplinary areas like gender studies, men’s studies, aging studies, and cultural geography.