Feeling Unsure

Dialogical Engagement

Dialogical engagement is unique to the Parse research method (Parse, 2005). It is a process where the researcher is in true presence with the participant. The researcher is “attentive to moment-to-moment changes in meaning as she or he bears witness to the person’s or group’s own living of value priorities” (Parse, 1998, p. 71). True presence is an unstructured dialogue between the researcher and the participant focused on the phenomenon under study. It is not an interview. Participants describe their experiences “with words, symbols, metaphors, poetry, photography, drawing, music, or rhythmic movements” (Parse, 2001, p. 167).

For this study, the researcher invited the participants to answer, “Please tell me about feeling unsure”. The researcher moved the dialogue with focused comments such as “Go on.” “Can you say more about your experience in light of feeling unsure?” or “Can you think about anything else that would help me understand your experience?” For this study, the audio taped dialogues lasted between 12 to 40 minutes until the participants had no more to share about feeling unsure. The audio tapes were transcribed to a typed format for the extraction-synthesis process (Parse, 2001).

Extraction-Synthesis

Extraction-synthesis is a creative process of sciencing that consists in dwelling with, conceptualizing, and inventing by moving the language of the participants’ descriptions across levels of abstraction (Parse, 2005). This process arises as the researcher is immersed with the transcribed dialogues and audio tapes by moving the levels of discourse to the level of science. Parse (2005) delineated six major processes occurring simultaneously during extraction-synthesis:

Heuristic interpretation furthers an understanding about the lived experience in the language of the humanbecoming theory of nursing.

Heuristic Interpretation

Heuristic interpretation includes the processes of (a) structural transposition, (b) conceptual integration, (c) metaphorical emergings, and (d) artistic expression (Parse, 2010b). Through structural transposition, the researcher states the structure of the phenomenon at a higher level of abstraction (Parse, 2005). The process of conceptual integration consists in moving the structure of the phenomenon to the concepts of the humanbecoming theory. Metaphorical emergings consist in identifying metaphors about the phenomenon under study as expressed by the participants (Parse, 2010b). The artistic expression is the cocreation of an art form that reflects the research process and the researcher’s transfiguring moments with the phenomenon of study (Parse, 2005).

Language-Art

Feeling unsure is wavering irresolutely with guarded alliances, as disconcerting paralysis with innovation surfaces with the puzzlement of truncating venturing.

Language-Art

Feeling unsure is wavering irresolutely with risking venturing onward with alliances, as frightening unexplored prospects surface with attending to contentedness.

Language-Art

Feeling unsure is wavering irresolutely with the trepidation of thoughtful anticipation of consequences, as venturing with distancing alliances arises with circumscribed evasions.

Wavering Irresolutely with Discerning Ponderings

Wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings is the first core concept of feeling unsure. It is as a vacillating while considering envisioned possibilities. All participants’ descriptions contained a statement related to feeling ambivalent, yet confident about possible options, while living situations with indefiniteness and clarity all-at-once. For example, Patrick said, “It is having more than one opinion about a situation and thinking about all the possibilities. It is not being able to bring yourself to choose and to settle on a viewpoint.” Nick said, “When I am teaching, I never know about my own approach and how information will be interpreted. I want to have more information to reflect on and have a clear picture about what I am doing.” Alice stated,

Before I do something, there is a hesitation. I start asking questions: ‘Is it the right thing? Is it the wrong thing?’ I feel very precarious. And this is just about with everything. I do not know. I do not have the guarantee. I do not want to make any kind of decisions. I just wait and see what happens.

This participant’s description points to a holding pattern of indeterminacy in not choosing without knowing with assurance, while all-at-once envisioning possibilities. These three descriptions address wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings as a constituent of feeling unsure.

Wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings was structurally transposed to incertitude with penetrating reverie. Incertitude with penetrating reverie was conceptually integrated as originating imaging. Discussion of wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings in light of the construct originating imaging enhances understanding of the meaning of the concepts originating and imaging and adds further depth and clarity about the lived experience of feeling unsure.

Originating, from the third principle of humanbecoming, cotranscending with possibles, is “inventing new ways of conforming-not conforming in the certainty-uncertainty of living” (Parse, 1998, p. 49). It is creating new ways of being with assuredness-unassuredness in abiding with what is required, while struggling all-at-once in moving on with an unprecedented way of living value priorities. Imaging, from the first principle of humanbecoming, structuring meaning, is a “reflective-prereflective coming to know the explicit-tacit all-at-once” (Parse, 1998, p.36). It is a way humans live experiences thoughtfully and unpremeditatedly with distinctness and vagueness all-at-once. The construct originating imaging best captures the meaning of wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings. Originating imaging is generating the envisioned. It is inventing new ways of conforming-not conforming in moving on with ambivalence and confidence, while all-at-once apprehending situations with indefiniteness and clarity without knowing consequences. Parse (1998) explicated originating imaging as living the paradoxical tension of conforming-not conforming in moving beyond with the struggle of living certainty-uncertainty, while structuring meaning in light of personal explicit-tacit knowings. For example, Sylvio said,

It is not a particularly pleasant feeling when I contemplate the possibility of failing at my work within the guidelines placed on me. I might not finish and need to prepare for that possibility. I get to a point where I am so unsure that I have to completely leave it aside. I worry about other aspects of my life and question what I think.

This description refers to originating imaging and reflects the participant’s description of feeling unsure as wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings.

The core concept wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings was not explicitly described in the extant literature on uncertainty, unsureness, and feeling unsure, but was consistent with some ideas discussed by various authors (Bournes & Mitchell, 2002; Bunkers, 2007; Hilton, 1988; Mishel, 1990; Morse & Penrod, 1999; Morrow, 2006; Penrod, 2007).

Core concepts similar to wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings emerged from research guided by the Parse research method (Parse, 2005). From studies on feeling unsure, Bunkers (2007) discussed the core concept disquieting apprehensiveness, and Morrow (2006) explicated the core concept discomforting trepidation with unassuredness-assuredness. Bournes and Mitchell (2002) posited vigilant attentiveness surfacing amid an ambiguous turbulent lull in a study on waiting. While the core concepts in Bournes and Mitchell’s (2002) study were explicated as imaging and originating, both studies on feeling unsure (Bunkers, 2007; Morrow, 2006) emerged as a theoretical construct. Bunkers (2007) explicated the construct originating imaging as a paradoxical tension that humans generate while shaping a personal way of being, whereas Morrow (2006) discussed imaging originating as a way that humans picture possibles as a pattern preference. The findings of this study emerged with the construct originating imaging as in Bunkers’ (2007) study. Wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings is distinct from disquieting apprehensiveness in that the idea of pondering is clearly stated, while the idea of wavering is similar to a disquieting feeling of “pervasive hesitancy concerning what is possible” (Bunkers, 2007, p. 60). The irresoluteness that emerged as a qualitative descriptor of wavering points to the precariousness of an “ambiguous &lull” (Bournes & Mitchell, 2002, p. 61). Wavering irresolutely addresses the indecisiveness of generating new ways of being, while incarnating the uncertainty of conventional ways in originating moving beyond (Parse, 2007). As uncovered in this study, it is the irresoluteness that arises with wavering feelings that expands originating and adds new knowledge to the construct originating imaging as a lived experience of feeling unsure. From the humanbecoming perspective (Parse, 2007), wavering irresolutely with discerning ponderings illuminated originating imaging as a paradoxical rhythm of conforming-not conforming in the certainty-uncertainty of feeling unsure, while explicitly-tacitly knowing all-at-once.

Venturing with Trepidation

Venturing with trepidation is the second core concept in this study. It addresses feeling unsure as moving on with turmoil. Venturing with trepidation in moments of feeling unsure was described by all participants as a disconcerting agitation that surfaces with fear while daring to take a leap. Maud said,

I feel nervous and panicky in having to take the plane. I take control of things by being at a certain place at a certain time before the moment I go to the plane &.You can try and do things by getting organized so that the panic goes away.

This description explicated venturing with trepidation as the risk of moving on with fear, while shifting with possibilities. Martha said, “The financial situation is a challenging situation that may be difficult and scary. I am more likely to go down the road of not having enough money to pay the bills.” This description pertains to the participant’s choice of living the tension of moving on with tumultuous hardship. Alice said,

It took me nine years for my patient’s rights to get to court because it was a battle. I will not go away. It is putting me in a situation where I can not budge. It is my decision. I will stick with it. This description captures the paralyzing strength of feeling unsure, as the participant audaciously pursued with determination. In these descriptions venturing with trepidation addressed feeling unsure as daring to take a leap with disconcerting agitation.

The core concept venturing with trepidation was structurally transposed to propelling with the arduous. Propelling with the arduous was conceptually integrated as powering. Powering, from the third principle of humanbecoming, cotranscending with possibles, is the “pushing-resisting process of affirming-not affirming being in light of nonbeing” (Parse, 1998, p. 46). Powering is the force of asserting, while all-at-once pulling back risking potential disregard. Powering in venturing with trepidation is daringly asserting reaching beyond, while at once moving with fright. It is living the paradoxical tension of pressing on—pulling back, while at once affirming-not affirming being.

The core concept venturing with trepidation was not explicitly described in the extant literature on uncertainty, unsureness, and feeling unsure, but was consistent with the ideas discussed by various authors (Baumann, 1996; Bunkers, 2007, 2009; Hilton, 1988, Penrod, 2007; Welch, 2007).

Core concepts similar to venturing with trepidation emerged from research guided by the Parse research method (Parse, 2005). Bunkers’ (2007) study on feeling unsure emerged with the core concept pressing on described as, “being immersed in earnest endeavors, while fearing not having enough time to do” (p. 60). Pressing on does not explicitly state the paradoxical tension of being-nonbeing which arose in venturing with trepidation. Venturing with trepidation expresses the idea of forging ahead, while at once drawing back, which is similar to the core concepts fortitude amid adversity (Doucet, 2008) and enduring with the burdensome (Welch, 2007). Doucet (2008) explicated fortitude amid adversity in the having faith study as, “pressing on dauntlessly amid the vicissitudes of life” (p. 350), whereas enduring with the burdensome (Welch, 2007) in the study on taking life day-by-day was described as, “assiduous struggles with the vicissitudes of day-to-day living” (p. 107). While these core concepts illustrate powering, venturing with trepidation further expands the theoretical concept by highlighting affirming being with disconcerting agitation in light of nonbeing.

Revering Alliances

Revering alliances was identified from the language-art of all participants as the third core concept of feeling unsure. Participants described revering alliances as treasuring relationships. It refers to bearing a “solemn regard for human presence (Parse, 2010a, p. 258). Revering alliances is venerating affiliations while upholding bonds with others, family members, and colleagues. The core concept revering alliances surfaced with fulfilling activities with esteemed others, while cherishing the preciousness of everyday situations with affiliations. For example, Serge said,

I want to be close to my wife, and when she goes away, I feel that I am apart from her. In my heart, it hurts not having somebody there. I would like to have somebody to hold, to be close. I would rather that she tells me that she wants to be with me.

Marc described revering alliances when stating, “In my job, there will be a colleague to call or there will be a boss to call when I am not sure about something fundamental.” These statements described revering alliances as a constituent of feeling unsure. They exemplify how the participants felt aggravated with situations, while all-at-once honoring the moment in moving away with a chosen alternative that surfaced with delight. These examples addressed revering alliances in feeling unsure as ways humans honor being with and apart from others, ideas, and activities in cocreating situations.

The core concept revering alliances was structurally transposed to prizing involvements. Prizing involvements was conceptually integrated as valuing connecting-separating. Discussion of revering alliances in light of the construct valuing connecting-separating expands understanding of the meaning of valuing and connecting-separating and adds further depth and clarity to knowledge about the lived experience of feeling unsure.

Valuing, from the first principle of humanbecoming, structuring meaning, is “confirming-not-confirming cherished beliefs in light of a personal worldview” (Parse, 1998, pp. 37-38). The core activities of valuing are: “choosing, prizing, and acting” (Parse, 1998, p. 38). Opting to proceed with the treasured, humans all-at-once incarnate choosings in relishing the valuable. From the second principle of humanbecoming, configuring rhythmical patterns (Parse, 2010a), Connecting-separating surfaces in all relating such that in separation there is a connection and in the connection there is a separation (Parse, 1998, p. 45). It is a way humans cocreate attending-distancing with the emerging now (Parse, 2007, 2010a). Connecting-separating surfaces in all relating, such that, “in the separation there is connection&and in the connection there is separation” (Parse, 1998, p. 45). The construct valuing connecting-separating illuminates the core concept revering alliances of feeling unsure. It is giving worth to what is meaningful as humans incarnate a preferred way of being, while prizing the unfolding of togetherness that surfaces with solitude.

The core concept revering alliances was not found explicitly in the extant literature on uncertainty, unsureness, and feeling unsure, but was consistent with ideas discussed by various authors (Clayton et al., 2006; Gil et al., 2006; Mishel, 1990; Morrow, 2006; Morse & Penrod, 1999). While findings in the Clayton and colleagues (2006) and the Gil and colleagues (2006) studies conveyed ideas similar to revering alliances, these researchers reported that participants’ uncertainty was correlated to not always feeling respected in interaction with health providers. This idea is different from revering alliances that connects with living paradoxical rhythms while honoring others, ideas, and situations.

Fifteen Parse research method (Parse, 2005) studies emerged with the construct valuing connecting-separating. Similar core concepts to revering alliances were reported such as, honoring affiliations in the persisting while wanting to change study (Kostas-Polston, 2007) and steadfastness with the cherished in unfolding alliances in the living with changing expectations study, (Yancey, 2004). While all core concepts described valuing connecting-separating in terms of cherishing, treasuring, or honoring and being with and apart from others, ideas, and activities, revering alliances sheds light on a profound admiration in being with others. In this study, revering alliances is distinct from “cherishing diverse relations, while struggling with choosing and owning choices” (Kostas-Polston, 2007, p. 129), yet similar to “holding on to the cherished, yet having to relinquish&in moving with ever evolving personal relationships” (Yancey, 2004, p.142). Revering alliances is further understood as related with bearing a “solemn regard for human presence (Parse, 2010a, p. 258).