White Hesitation

I'M A WELL-MEANING white person, and, like many readers of this magazine, I work on a majority-white campus trying to be a part of positive change. In the last few years I've served on a host of committees dedicated to addressing and ameliorating racism, including the Diversity Team, the Multicultural Education Team, the Race Dialogue Planning Group, and the President's Commission on the Status of People of Color. The conversations blend together for me. Our meetings have been vibrant discussions about an important topic, but much more discussion than action. When you're a white person on a majority-white campus, the need to take action against racism doesn't always seem so immediate or pressing.

Last February I was sitting in yet another campus committee meeting, this time discussing the retention and recruitment of people of color and the need for multicultural work-life-family resources. As the discussion ranged from professional networking to hair salons, restaurants, faith communities, and outreach, I suddenly connected with a disturbing irony.

On campus I work to create a welcoming and inclusive environment for people along all dimensions of difference. Even though I am very connected, outgoing, proactive, and supportive professionally, I have hesitated to reach out to colleagues of color to connect socially. I may have begun taking action against racism in my work, but not in my life and family and not after 5:00 P.M. and not on the weekends.

Am I racist? Well, something stops me from initiating relationships with people of color. The hesitation is real. And from years of observing, interacting, and talking with colleagues of color and white colleagues throughout academia, I recognize that this phenomenon—white hesitation—is the norm on campus.

Exactly what is white hesitation? In my way of thinking, it is what happens when well-meaning whites reach a point in interracial situations where we struggle to move from intellectualizing to acting. We know more about what not to do than what to do. Some of the ways it operates in my own life include •

Not connecting socially or after 5:00 P.M. With colleagues of color

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Being tolerant of behavior in colleagues of color that I would object to from white colleagues

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Not challenging students of color to push themselves harder

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Taking longer to find my own opinions and thought processes in the presence of colleagues of color

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Making unilateral decisions based on broad assumptions about the likes and dislikes of people of color instead of asking

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Continually serving on task forces and committees that study and discuss issues rather than take action in partnership with people of color

Another way of describing white hesitation might be that it's one of the ways racism shows up in well-meaning whites. After all, in a racist society the relevant question is not “Who is a racist?” but “How is our racism manifesting itself?” If we are to work against racism in society, we must start with ourselves.

The term white hesitation names a sticking point—a place white people must acknowledge and move beyond if we're going to work on our own racism. Addressing our hesitation is a necessary part of getting at the truth in our relationships and ourselves and finding ways to include a wider range of people in our lives and communities.

It's easy for white people on majority-white campuses to see the connecting of friends and acquaintances in social situations as random. Whether white people hit it off with one another or not, we tend to chalk the quality of our relationships up to chemistry, values, and interests. There's no fear of being labeled intolerant, insensitive, or racist.

For new people on campus who are white, there are multiple points of commonality to help create social connections. It is a majority-determined privilege to not have to reach out. When new people of color don't have those easy points of connection, the typical majority-white-campus reserve and respect for privacy can increase their isolation, their sense of “outsiderness.” Add a “liberal” dose of white hesitation, and it's no wonder retention and recruitment are such popular meeting-agenda items.

In looking at my own hesitation, I see that my fear of performing sins of commission has led me into a pattern of omission. White hesitation kept me from taking risks, reaching out, making overtures I feared might be unwanted, awkward, or embarrassing. I was expecting to do all the work, to take all the responsibility. I was erasing people of color's input into the relationship before we even had one!

In thinking about my experience of white hesitation, I determined that my feelings of uncertainty and fear of embarrassment were actually symptoms of a potential learning situation. Shying away would keep me stuck in hesitation. Only by leaning into the discomfort would I be able to address this manifestation of racism and move beyond it.

So what do I recommend? Here are a few ideas on how white people on campus can take action to address white hesitation: •

Accept that as white people in a majority-white university, we must go out of our way to make others welcome. Unless we work to change it, the default culture will remain white culture.

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Recognize how racially structured our society is and how this determines who's “at the table” with you. It is no accident when people are racially grouped. Stepping outside of this structure won't happen by accident.

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Creating a more inclusive, multicultural environment in a majority-white university is labor intensive because it must include one-on-one contact. Recognize this and write this work into job descriptions.

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Push the intimacy factor and get beyond politeness. Organized programs and initiatives can only do so much. Genuine progress begins when we as individuals are willing to open ourselves up to change and risk.

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Don't wait to be perfect. Be authentic. There is no way around the risk of personal relationships; some will work, and some won't. If you aren't willing to engage your whole self, no relationship will work.

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Build a support community in which your struggles concerning race are an important and overt topic of conversation, even if initially the group is all white people. We all need a place to work things out and talk about our challenges.

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Accept that you are racist in a racist world and that many of your least-examined assumptions are tinged with racism. Work at discovering and getting beyond them without beating yourself up for not being as smart yesterday as you are today.

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Find mentors, coaches, and role models. Talk with others who seem to maintain authentic relationships across the boundaries of color, and find out which of your fears and hesitations they share.

Using my feelings of awkwardness and fear as a beacon, I found the courage to risk intimacy with a few colleagues of color—the kind of intimacy that led to challenge, social time together, and confidence enough to test my current version of the truth. I am moving forward now on a new assumption: people of color can find more forgiveness for us in our stumbling forward than in our colluding silence.