Abstract
In her book Let’s Talk About Aging Parents: A Real-Life Guide to Solving Problems with 27 Essential Conversations, author Laura Tamblyn Watts provides a comprehensive overview of scenarios and logistics to consider in the care of aging adults in the United States. In her discussion of the breadth of household needs, the complexity of medicolegal considerations of care, the challenge of emotional struggles throughout the aging process, and the nuances of clinical care, Watts paints a full picture with honesty, empathy, and humor.
As a person who is not a detailed planner, I can appreciate the level of specificity that Watts provides in determining whether an aging parent’s living situation is physically and emotionally safe. Throughout the book, Watts honors the independence of parents. She explains how to have the first conversation to discuss aging, approaching it from all angles, including preparation, timing, content, wording, and delivery of ideas. Most importantly, though, is the emphasis on empathy towards parents and providing space to understand their expectations first.
Watts takes medical aspects of care and breaks them down in ways that make sense to those without a medical background. For example, she takes a deep dive into mental capacity, exploring its definition, how to get help for a detailed assessment, and how to care for a parent with dementia. There are multiple scenarios highlighted to provide a range of situations for readers. Power of attorney is reviewed in detail to ensure readers understand the role, its limitations, and the framing of conversations around obtaining it.
Recognizing that caring for an aging parent is more than just managing possessions and completing documentation, Watts additionally explores the less-discussed challenges as parents age. One of the most eye-opening chapters in the book revolves around sexuality in aging parents. This section offers readers the insight that aging parents’ sexual health can be just as complicated as younger adults. Here, discussions around sexual identity, safe sex, relationships, and emotional safety illustrate a common thread in all of us: Desires and hopes exist in all periods of life. In this way, Watts illustrates how we are more connected than we realize.
Watts describes many health issues for the aging parents as a friend would: With wit, gentle sarcasm, and straightforwardness. She references several health conditions, then shares her perspective on how to approach parents about these issues, including strategies for improving overall functionality. For every difficult scenario offered throughout the book, there are tangible tools provided on how to start a conversation and move the discussion forward. I found this quite relatable as a palliative care provider. In much of what we do, we are not curing the underlying issue. Instead, we are acknowledging and reframing. Just because a condition is incurable does not mean we cannot shift our focus towards optimizing comfort, emphasizing dignity, and making meaning in life. Watts brings readers to a place of acceptance and frames aging as an absolute process that requires open discussion.
Overall, I found this book to be a thoughtful resource to navigate the feelings and challenges associated with caring for an aging parent. The book is full of role-play scenarios and practical solutions. Ultimately, the solutions allow for more normalization of aging and can build confidence in the caregiver. Like discussions held in palliative care, navigating the aging of one’s parents can be filled with difficult conversations, nuance in communication approaches, and a need to negotiate in a manner that respects all stakeholders, placing the well-being of the parent at the forefront. While these topics may be dreaded or avoided at times, they are important and can feel liberating when held in an open, honest, and respectful manner. This book holds your hand through the process in that regard, and it will make you smile along the way. The granular detail is reassuring, creating a roadmap of how to get from point “a” to destinations unknown. It does not necessarily guarantee a smooth process, but it equips you with knowledge, insight, advice, and mentorship that might be otherwise hard to come by. Hopefully, it offers a pathway for aging with grace, autonomy, and feeling seen, well after death.
Footnotes
Author Disclosure Statement
No competing financial interests exist.
Funding Information
No funding was received for this article.