Grief as an Integral Part of the Third Culture Kid Transition Experience: A Position Paper

Introduction

International schools offer a wide range of cultures, languages, ethnicities, and educational curriculum as well as a number of challenges. Students who enrol in an international school very often not only encounter students from different cultures, but also have to negotiate the culture of the school itself (Allan, 2002; Morales, 2015), with distinct and specific characteristics that evolve from a combination of the dominant cultural ethos (among both faculty and students) and the culture of the host country (Allan, 2002; Langford, 2005). Students from differing cultural backgrounds and academic histories join this school culture, bringing their own experiences, attitudes, expectations, and preconceptions that taken together make up a school with its own cultural characteristics (Allan, 2002; Langford, 2005). Even as the effects of globalization have led the families of Third Culture Kids to relocate around the world, they have also led to an increasing demand for international schools to provide an education for local ‘host country’ families seeking a competitive edge for their child (Hayden & Thompson, 2008; Hayden, 2011). This has led to an increase in the number of local students enrolling at international schools in addition to Third Culture Kids from around the world (Trethewy & Vanderburg, 2022).

A Third Culture Kid is a child who is temporarily living away from their passport country. Their passport country is their first culture, and the host country the second culture. As a result of their relocation, they no longer feel part of the culture they have left behind, nor the culture they have joined, and with others of similar experiences create the Third Culture (Useem & Downie, 1976). Some students may not engage in intercultural learning and choose to remain isolated or to form their own monocultural enclave, whilst others may acculturate more easily, and in doing so risk loss of their own cultural identity (Allan, 2002). Third Culture Kids may face academic and social challenges different than those faced by domestic or local students, including language, cultural differences, and their own personal concerns (Trethewy & Vanderburg, 2022): concerns that may be as simple as being unable to identify what is on the menu, or as serious as not being aware of the safety requirements for exiting the building in case of fire.

Many international schools have recognised the need for a better understanding of transition programs (Bates, 2013): programs designed to support new students joining the school. Existing research suggests that administrators need to recognize what is needed in a transition program specifically for Third Culture Kids to help them settle into the diverse environment of their new school (Bates, 2013; Langford, 2005; McLachlan, 2007; Ota, 2014): transition programs that should increase the chance of a successful transition both for the student and for the school. Successfully-run transition programs, however, may be the exception rather than the norm.

As an education professional working internationally, I have observed the limitations of school transition programs when no special considerations are given, in English-medium schools, to English-speaking Third Culture Kids attending the school as weekday boarders (ie who did not stay at school on weekends). I have also observed the transition concerns of Chinese and Bhutanese Third Culture Kids (with English as a second language) attending international schools as full-time boarders in Thailand and South Korea. As school leaders, we were either unaware of the issues these students faced, or failed to act upon what we perceived to be a problem (Trethewy & Vanderburg, 2022). From my professional experience, I have anecdotal evidence of how grief has the potential to impact on a Third Culture Kid’s transition experience, which suggested the need for further research into the phenomenon.

This article is part of a larger, ongoing study on Third Culture Kids and their experience with transition programs. The Kübler-Ross grief model is one framework investigated to shed light on how these experiences impact on a Third Culture Kid’s transition into a new school. More research is needed to better understand how Third Culture Kids experience grief during their transition and how they can best be supported.

Third Culture Kids

Third Culture Kids have been argued to be resilient and to have better than normal problem-solving skills required to adapt to new situations when they relocate (Bates, 2013; Ota, 2014). According to Pollock et al (2017), Third Culture Kids have global awareness and multicultural experience that benefits them in the ever-changing globalization of the world. Third Culture Kids are argued to have an educational advantage due to their first-hand cultural experiences and travel (Gillies, 1998). Ota (2014) suggests that, if managed effectively, transitions across cultures could be the spark for immense growth in numbers of Third Culture Kids. Schools would be a safe location in which to make new connections, while the home becomes the place where ongoing attachments remain secure.

Third Culture Kids possess an ability to adapt and blend into cultures and are less prejudiced than their peers (Pollock et al, 2017). Through their experiences, they tend to develop enhanced observational, social, linguistic, and cross-cultural skills. Their highly mobile lifestyle exposes them to a range of cultures, and allows their cultural identity to evolve into one that combines different cultures without assuming ownership of any one in particular (Heyward, 2002; Lijadi & van Schalkwyk, 2018; McLachlan, 2007; Pollock et al, 2017).

Although Pollock et al (2017) posit that, since they move frequently, Third Culture Kids can feel at home anywhere and make successful adjustments, ‘home’ may represent a conflicting array of experiences and memories (Poonoosamy, 2018). Their sense of belonging is not related to a particular location. McLachlan (2007) suggested that Third Culture Kids’ sense of belonging is relationship-based, formed through connections with others who share the same experiences. Additional research found their sense of belonging was three times more strongly related to a relationship than to a location (Fail et al, 2004). The stories and experiences of Third Culture Kids shape how they see themselves and how they fit into the world, how they connect with others, where they see themselves now, and who they see themselves becoming (Poonoosamy, 2018). Their identities tend to be constructed from their experiences and based upon their goals and aspirations rather than on their backgrounds. The individual TCK feels comfortable in a range of environments, but lacks a sense of belonging to any one in particular (Fail et al, 2004; McLachlan, 2007; Poonoosamy, 2018).

Hattie (2009), in his study on the improvement of student learning, determined moving to be the most harmful factor to student learning. Different academic calendars, curricula, and languages of tuition may cause a sense of discomfort and confusion (Fail et al, 2004; Langford, 2005; Lijadi & van Schalkwyk, 2018). With each move, Third Culture Kids also face a loss of home, loss of friends and relationships, and loss of sense of place (Bates, 2013). Moving, when all is considered, is an experience of loss (Ota, 2014).

Because their sense of belonging is linked strongly to their relationships, Third Culture Kids may also face emotional, relational, and identity issues (Morales, 2015) as well as challenges regarding social interactions and relationships (Lijadi & van Schalkwyk, 2018). Their main social and emotional issues revolve around their sense of belonging, the ability to maintain a relationship, their unresolved grief and a confused identity (Fail et al, 2004; Pollock et al, 2017). Because people move in and out of their lives, Third Culture Kids tend to avoid solving interpersonal problems and sidestep potential conflicts, assuming that the problem will disappear when they move again (Gillies, 1998). They will tend to depend on their family members to meet their physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs (McLachlan, 2007). The cohesive family unit is based on the family deliberately working together to maintain and strengthen their relationships even as they continue their mobile lifestyle (Bates, 2013).

Non-Third Culture Kids who move into a new school during their developmental years may also experience a different curriculum and social challenges, but Lijadi and van Schalkwyk (2018) believe that Third Culture Kids are more challenged than others due to a ‘lack of rootedness in the local culture and social practices, and to feelings of displacement, rejection and unease during the first few months in a new school’ (p 50). Support from the school for Third Culture Kids as they transition in, through, and out of schools could lessen the negative impact of continued mobility (Bates, 2013).

Kübler-Ross Grief Model

The Kübler-Ross model is known for its five stages of grief, first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Originally, this model was applied to people suffering from terminal illness. However, it was later applied to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom), tragedy, or disaster. As recently as the second half of 2020, change management theorists (Berinato, 2020; Kearney, 2003; Mirvis, 2020) have been using the model as the basis for illustrating how individuals can deal with what was happening in the world in regard to COVID-19. The five stages consist of:

The Kübler-Ross model may be useful to understand the emotions of a Third Culture Kid transiting between schools or countries. Kearney and Hyle (2011), who discuss Woodward and Buchholz’s (1987) research on corporate change, argue that the grieving process related to death is very similar, if not identical, to the grieving process related to change. Woodward and Buchholz state ‘When loss occurs, the people who remain must go through some basic stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression – to finally achieve acceptance’ (p 66).

Third Culture Kids and Loss

According to Pollock et al (2017), unresolved grief is the most urgent mental health issue facing Third Culture Kids. However, the incorporation of a grief model into transition programs for Third Culture Kids is not common practice. Only some researchers make a passing reference (Bates, 2013; Gilbert, 2008; Gillies, 1998; Lijadi & van Schalkwyk, 2018; McLachlan, 2007; Pollock et al, 2017; Useem & Downie, 1976), and more research is needed to explore its efficacy.

Compared with non-mobile students, Third Culture Kids accumulate significant losses (Pollock et al, 2017). Crossman (2016) along with Pollock et al (2017) suggests they experience more losses before adulthood than most monocultural adults do in their lifetime. Pollock et al (2017) recognize that there may be several elements of the Third Culture Kid experience contributing to the perception of grief, potentially remaining unresolved into adulthood. Sometimes the losses experienced are hidden or not acknowledged, which may lead to the Third Culture Kid feeling as if they do not have permission to grieve nor time to process the loss (Gilbert, 2008).

Being uprooted and transported to an unfamiliar, foreign location, often without their belongings, leaves many Third Culture Kids to experience tangible losses: a loss of home, pets, possessions, friends, food, languages, and schools. They also experience a loss of lifestyle, status, reputation, celebrations, and the entire world they have left behind (Bates, 2013; Schaetti & Ramsey, 1999). For a Third Culture Kid, those latter, intangible losses may be the most difficult to identify and therefore grieve. They do not need their parents to tell them all is ok; instead they need their parents to recognize what they are experiencing (Schaetti & Ramsey, 1999). Third Culture Kids may fear that, if they accept their transition (and losses), they are also turning their back on whatever has gone before (Pollock et al, 2017). When children are allowed time to express their grief after experiencing these losses, the emotions associated with transitions can also be expressed (Schaetti & Ramsey, 1999).

The grief experienced by Third Culture Kids has characteristics of disenfranchised grief (Doka, 2002; Gilbert, 2008; Schaetti, 2002). According to Doka (2002), disenfranchised grief most commonly occurs when; (a) the relationship between the griever and that which has been lost is not socially recognized; (b) the loss itself is not socially recognized or is hidden from others; (c) the griever is not socially recognized; (d) circumstances of the loss contribute to stigma and negative judgment by others; and/or (e) the ways in which individuals grieve are not considered socially acceptable.

Gilbert (2008) suggests that most of the losses Third Culture Kids experience may not be taken seriously or may be invisible to the adults in the child’s life, thus increasing the risk that the Third Culture Kid’s grief will not be understood and treated with the respect it deserves. There is also the possibility that the Third Culture Kid’s grief will remain unresolved. Gilbert (2008) also posits that the situation may be further compounded by grief that comes from the adults in the Third Culture Kid’s life and from the adults not understanding what the Third Culture Kids are experiencing. Losses that are not successfully resolved in childhood have an increased likelihood of recurring in adulthood (Gilbert, 2008).

Applying the Kübler-Ross model to Third Culture Kids’ experiences of loss

Denial of the loss as the first stage in the grieving process needs to be acknowledged, and the other four stages of grief outlined by Kübler-Ross need to be traversed. Quick (2010) elaborates on the Kübler-Ross stages of grief by addressing the specific tasks associated with loss that the Third Culture Kid needs to consider. Quick terms these tasks grieving well and states that people may get stuck emotionally until they recognize their losses and grieve for them. These tasks include: (a) recognize and name the loss, (b) mourn the loss, (c) accept the loss, and (d) move forward to the next developmental stage.

However, completion of these tasks may not be easy. Taking time is the most critical component of grieving, and most Third Culture Kids have little of this important resource. Flights reduce travel time from one location to another from days to hours, therefore reducing the amount of time Third Culture Kids may have in which to recognize, mourn, and accept their loss. They arrive at their new location and are expected to function with acceptance, even enthusiasm, almost immediately (Quick, 2010). Third Culture Kids may also feel a sense of responsibility towards their parents and may hide their grief from their family (Pollock et al, 2017). If they are unsure about the appropriateness of their grief they may self-disenfranchise, wanting to protect their parents and siblings and hide their emotions (Crenshaw, 2002).

In addition, parents may inadvertently make it more difficult for the Third Culture Kid to grieve. Quick (2010) and Wells (2017) highlight how parents may not allow themselves to grieve, fearful that they may create anxiety in their child. They tend to focus on the practical or positive reasons for the move rather than on the emotional implications. Whilst being positive is also important, the child needs their parent to first acknowledge the loss so they can begin to process the grief of transition. Quick (2010) also suggests that when parents don’t allow themselves to grieve, they may not realize that their Third Culture Kid is grieving, or why their Third Culture Kid is unhappy or grieving. Both Wells (2017) and Ota (2014) offer suggestions for parents with children who are Third Culture Kids, including talking about past losses that have happened and future losses before they occur. The encouragement of thinking and talking about the losses will help children begin the process of grieving those losses.

Third Culture Kids and Transition Programs

Through the implementation of an effective school transition program, Third Culture Kids can face the daunting task of assimilating into a foreign environment with support. Morales (2015) and Langford (2005) posit that there are studies and literature that indicate the importance of transition programs for students in international schools. School leaders should adopt best practices for identifying and supporting the Third Culture Kids through their arrival, stay, and departure at a new school (Morales, 2015). An effective transition program could serve as ‘a bridge between the student’s personal cultural identity and the greater culture of the school community or host community’(Bates, 2013: 86).

For international schools to create such a bridge, it is important that the needs of Third Culture Kids are met by tailoring current curriculum and utilizing effective best teaching practices (Morales, 2017). Schools can also create a bridge to the lives of families of Third Culture Kids and become a lifeline to the expatriate community (McLachlan, 2007). School leaders can create a school culture that highlights the diversity of the student body which includes the Third Culture Kids and all they have to offer to school and classroom (Bates, 2013). Teachers and homeroom advisors can monitor and foster healthy and constructive peer relationships, assist in the daily survival in an international school environment, and create longer term supportive and positive relationships (Morales, 2015). All these actions form part of an effective transition program for Third Culture Kids, which can be very important as they settle into a new school and culture (Fail et al, 2004).

Schools need to provide a supportive environment to help the student and their family, for them to become as comfortable as possible as quickly as possible, thus helping to ease anxieties and loss associated with transition (Langford, 2005). Most international schools, Schaetti (1995) has argued, recognize that they cannot educate Third Culture Kids without addressing the impacts of the family’s mobility and their anxieties regarding their transition. It is important to recognize the parents’ anxieties and sense of loss as well as that of the student, because the successful transition of a student is strongly linked to the attitude of their parents (Bates, 2013; Fail et al, 2004; Gillies, 1998; Langford, 1998; McLachlan, 2007; Morales, 2015; Morales, 2017; Pollock et al, 2017; Simpson, 2017).

Conclusion

Schools are already recognising how they can support Third Culture Kids to ensure the transition experience is a positive one. Whilst parents are accessing online information in the form of blogs and support groups providing tips and strategies for dealing with issues of grief and loss at home, schools need professional research that offers detailed strategies for inclusion into an international school transition program. There is still a gap in current research, and it is clear that further research is required to understand how Third Culture Kids manage grief and loss. Further research is also needed to support schools in identifying how to manage and create a supportive environment and transition program for these children during their transitions. The Kübler-Ross grief model may not be the complete answer, but it is a starting point.