Abstract
The transition to college, however enacted, is viewed as a time of joyous discovery and self-exploration for the launched young adult. For the family, this transition may allow for pride in parental accomplishment and perhaps relief as the young adult departs the family home. However, in both circumstances, there is an undercurrent of loss and perhaps unexpressed grieving. If unacknowledged and unresolved, these feelings may cause the student to question readiness for college and personal maturity, perhaps spiraling into depression or substance abuse and culminating in withdrawal or dismissal. At home, the challenge of reimaging family daily life and parental connection may lead to either overinvolvement or distancing, deflecting but not resolving the accompanying family pain. This article will explain the normative process of “freshman grief,” integrate the concepts of this loss through the lens of narrative counseling, and offer suggestions for mental health workers in secondary schools and on college campuses to help students and families anticipate, process, and resolve this time of bereavement in the midst of the excitement of the first year (n = 175).
Part of what led me to seek solace back at home following my first semester was the sense that I was the only one experiencing these feelings of homesickness and a loss of identity. When I voiced this to my new friends, many told me they had felt similarly homesick the first week or two but had now found their place and loved the university. This led me to feel more isolated and confused. Following the end of the school year, I was able to see through social media that about 1/3 of the girls I had known had also transferred, while others seemed to have left behind their first semester best friends in favor of second semester one’s (not an uncommon phenomenon with college students). In my experience, most first-years were not willing to admit to any type of discomfort or sorrow until much later in college. (Recollections from a current graduate student)
One of the social rites of American society revolves around the post–high school launching of the young adult into the wider world (Ari & Shulman, 2012; Conley et al., 2014; Labrie et al., 2009; Lopez & Gormley, 2002; Rogers et al., 2018). That “wider world” may focus on employment, enlistment in the armed services or, for many thousands, the entry to the undergraduate college experience (Conley et al., 2014) in one form or another; “a time for personal growth and preparation for the future (Pace et al., 2018, p. 102). The transition is inevitable as the high school career passes into memory to be replaced by more adult dreams. However, this change affects not only the graduating student who is looking forward to new challenges and opportunities but also the family system in which that young adult was raised (Liew & Servaty-Seib, 2018; Pace et al., 2018).
One of the tenets of systems thinking is that change to one member reverberates throughout the family system (Liew & Servaty-Seib, 2018; Pace et al., 2018). Specific to the theme of this article, the high school graduation impacts all family members, as the future for the graduating senior is now a matter of choice not an automatic return to school. For most seniors, that decision will involve leaving home or at least the way that home is viewed. Whether the release is to college, services, employment, or any other choice, some enactment of adult responsibilities, expectations, and freedoms are part of the transition, and the home environment must adapt and accommodate that move.
However, for all the behavioral change and cognitive reimagining of self and self-with others by the graduate and all other family members, there is an emotional component to this evolution (Conley et al., 2014). In fact, it can be posited that there are two emotional responses. All change is comprised of two affective experiences: (a) gain (excitement, anticipation, joy, forward-looking) and (b) loss (sadness, regret, remorse, looking backward) (Peterson & Goldberg, 2016). However, in most social transition rites, only the gain is popularly acknowledged and processed. Publicly, the anticipation of the move to college, orientation, choosing courses, settling on residence halls and roommates, investigating textbooks, visiting campus, and so on, coupled with graduation parties and senior trips, exhorted by family and loved ones all portray a community-accepted perspective on this life shift.
Privately, each student may feel a sense of sorrow, of leaving what has been familiar, questioning one’s capacity to meet new academic and nonacademic challenges, and of the uncertainty of a college career, a loss of identity and fear of being lost in a campus environment (Ari & Shulman, 2012; Landa et al., 2019; Lopez & Gormley, 2002; Risquez et al., 2007; Rogers et al., 2018). However, these feelings seem so discrepant from those extolled by the majority; the student remains mute, fearing that voicing such sentiments might indicate an unreadiness or unsuitability for this next life challenge. So, the student remains isolated in that pain, as no one in the family, or perhaps even among peers, voices similar personal experiences.
Nonacademic struggles faced by first-year students are well-documented and identified as salient and significant predictors of student retention or attrition (Ari & Shulman, 2012; Conley et al., 2014; Landa et al., 2019; Lopez & Gormley, 2002; Risquez et al., 2007; Rogers et al., 2018). The challenges of psychological adjustment and identity reformulation may overwhelm many college students during the first year. Issues of disillusionment and dejection, following the initial 7 weeks of first term, the honeymoon phase (Conley et al., 2014; Risquez et al., 2007), begin to interfere or disrupt the joy of the college experience. If unaddressed or hidden and internalized, these feelings may manifest themselves into the incidences of college student anxiety, depression, fatigue, homesickness, and perhaps substance overuse (Labrie et al., 2009) as a mechanism for coping with the pain. National studies reported, from 2009, the incidence of about 1,100 college-aged suicides each year and, in 2011, that 14.6% of first-term students felt too depressed to function, and 4.3% considered suicide (Pace et al., 2018). In addition, about 80% of first-term students report homesickness so severe that their academic performance was negatively impacted and prompted thoughts of withdrawing from college (Landa et al., 2019).
However, the student is not the only family member impacted by this transition process (Bouchard & McNair, 2016; Mount & Moas, 2015; Psychology Today, 2019). This time in the family life cycle has been described as the “empty nest” period but perhaps a more accurate description would include the notion of “empty-ing” as an ongoing process of releasing and change. Parents also are confronted with their own periods of emotional distress and identity conflict. Unresolved, these issues can manifest into loneliness, depression, and anxiety, many of the same responses as first-year college students. The cited research has found that each parent experiences this life change differently based on the personal definition of parenting and the quality of their relationship with the child prior to the leave-taking.
In summary, the incidence and impact of stress and depression appear so common on campus that many students and parents do not seek help and then wonder if their inability to cope signals deeper issues (Bouchard & McNair, 2016; Mount & Moas, 2015; Pace et al., 2018). Whether labeled “mini grief” (Landa et al., 2019, p. 55), differential grief (Liew & Servaty-Seib, 2018), or disenfranchised grief (Gold et al., 2000), the dynamics seem similar. The synthesis between these topics lies in the exploration of this social phenomenon emphasizing the incongruency between social expectations of “gain” around the college experience and student’s lived experience of “loss,” which seems consistent with the thesis of narrative counseling.
Narrative Counseling
Narrative therapy is a therapeutic modality that attends to the stories one tells about one’s life to bring about positive change and better mental health. When those stories become focused on specific problems, the person often begins to view the problem as an inherent part of themselves. However, narrative therapy views people’s problems as external to the individual and seeks to adjust the stories people tell about themselves in ways that let them see their problems this way too. Each day many stories occur at the same time as we go about living our lives. These stories may be about career, relationships, weaknesses, triumphs, failures, strengths, or possible futures. In this context, stories consist of events that are linked in sequence across time. Together these linked events create a plot. The meaning we assign to different stories is based on the context of our lives, both as an individual and as a product of our culture. Some stories become dominant in our lives, and some of these dominant stories can be problematic because of the way we interpret the events experienced. As the story becomes dominant, new events that fit the narrative will become privileged over other events that do not fit the narrative and create a self-fulfilling prophecy of interpretation.
In any society, dominant narratives or stories dictate what is seen, in that culture and time, as normal or abnormal. These processes of socialization go largely unquestioned as, “everyone” seems to accept these tenets, and social pressures seem to encapsulate individuals into preset, socially approved ways of thinking and acting, however at the cost of subjective experience. When the experience of the individual around an event is discrepant from the societal “ought” or “should,” ofttimes the individual feels confused and uncertain regarding the legitimacy of that personal response. Hearing no other discrepant voices and fearful to voice discordant perspectives for fear of ostracism, ridicule, or scorn, the individual begins to question one’s own feelings and thoughts and yet feels at odds with the dominant narratives that seem to surround the event.
The goal of the narrative therapist is to work with the individual to come up with an alternative story or understanding that better integrates their lived experiences and balances dominant and subjective narratives. The therapist and the client work together to tell the client’s story in the client’s own words. In the process, the therapist and the client look for new meanings in the story that may help them alter the client’s existing stories or create new ones. In narrative therapy, the client will come to recognize that they can make new meanings from their life stories (Ackerman, 2019; Clarke, 2019; GoodTherapy, 2015; Morgan, 2000).
Specific to the needs of first-year students and their families who are struggling with this shift, it may be suggested that symptoms of mental illness among freshmen are interpreted as a function of the attempted predominance of the “joyous” experience with the neglect or overlooking of the personal experience of sadness, anxiety, and loss. If so, then the clinical agenda deals not with the abandonment or rejection of “high school self” and family but of staying connected in differing ways.
Implications for Counseling Services
Grief reactions and enactment remain individual yet mutually influencing. Family members cannot expect all members to grieve in similar ways. So, acceptance of differing grieving facilitates family cohesion, support, and satisfaction (Liew & Servaty-Seib, 2018) around this issue rather than family division and acrimony. Family engagement was identified as critical to the student’s academic success and mental health (Wang & Nuru, 2017). It was suggested that “family life be viewed as a “book with many chapters” (Mount & Moas, 2015, p. 249) to revisit past chapters and then to envision future chapters (Terazawa, 2014).
Psychoeducational Services
Perspective college students have been found to overestimate their capacity to adjust to college, expressing unrealistic expectations coupled with inadequate preparation (Conley et al., 2014). So, this finding asks the high school counselor to identify what students need to hear to be better prepared and how to assess personal coping and resilience to be able to adapt to that environment. College needs to be viewed as more than choosing a major and navigating securing financial aid by introducing the topic of “college adjustment” and process of the joy and loss of impended high school graduation. While printed and online materials abound for college-focused seniors, perhaps they would also benefit from last year’s seniors, and the current year first-year students, returning to share their experiences first of leaving, and perhaps grieving, high school and family, and then the intricacies and emotional experiences of the move and adaptation to campus. Hearing the first-hand experiences of peers (Pace et al., 2018) may provide an “infusion” of real life into what has only been imagined by the high school senior.
This intervention of utilizing the experiences of students only 1 year ahead of the incoming first years can be replicated on the campus in both residence hall programming and transition programs. As the semester unfolds, different phases of the first term can be explained and predicted so that the newer students are more prepared for the nonacademic rigors of college life and less likely to internalize any challenges, frustrations, or failures as indicative of personal failing.
In addition, informing parents of phase-based models of the first-term transition (see Conley et al., 2014; Risquez et al., 2007) would prepare them for concerns voiced by the students. Such models would link episodes in the student’s experience to task and skills to be learned and applied to move through that phase with as little disruption to college life and as little negative impact on academic success as possible. In addition, parents may gain from information normalizing their emotional responses to the child’s departure. As this change is a systemic matter, success in navigating its details by each member contributes to the strength, resilience, encouragement, and cohesion of the family unit as a whole.
Responsive Services
A review of the current data on the first-term experience confirms the incidence of students who struggle with this transition, whose coping styles are overwhelmed by the college environment, and whose futures are at risk. For example, citing Landa et al.’s (2019) finding of homesickness reported by 80% of students, this affective experience does not indicate unsuitability for college but rather seems the norm rather than an abnormality. In addition, incidences of depression, anxiety, and so on, can be presented as an expected aspect of the college transition. This simple statement is a “reauthoring” of understanding; that feeling anxious is a “normal” experience among first-year students.
In addition, faculty and residence hall personnel must be prepared to recognize crisis situations (Conley et al., 2014). While early intervention is preferable, such interventions must be founded in awareness of each student and how well or poorly the student is adapting. While social media may be of value in transmitting information and offering e-group support, overreliance and self-isolation may be signals to campus personnel of a struggling student. Given the critical first 7-week period, all interactions with new students are critical. Even more critical may be the identification of students with previous mental health diagnoses. Students coming to campus with prior experience with depression or anxiety, especially in times of grief or stress, may be at heightened risk for reemergence of such issues under the pressure of the college experience. Awareness of their presence and confidential connections with residence hall staff and perhaps mental health providers may be effective in facilitating a smoother transition than the student left to their own resources.
Potential for Future Research
Approaching the needs of first-year students and their families in this manner has not previously appeared in the professional literature. Therefore, the first research agenda, on the way to identifying “best practices” addressing this need must seek input from the stakeholders in this life evolution as to the validity of this construct. One source of feedback may be scholars and counselors focusing on the first-year experience to see whether this notion makes sense. In addition, the identification of the need for supporting students and families has prompted each college or university to offer or demand a “transitions” course. Surveying students in those experiences as to the legitimacy of this therapeutic approach may generate first-hand ongoing or anecdotal data around this issue. Related to that population, researchers might ask students in their sophomore year to reflect on their recently completed first-year experience to see the extent to which this viewpoint may frame their memories. Finally, surveying parents of first-year students via online communications may elicit current accounts of family challenges and successes. The availability of such diverse sources of data would allow for a cross-thematic analysis to identify common themes as to the value of this perspective. If so confirmed, future research may wish to survey constituents again as to necessary components of psychoeducational programming and then implement different versions of that curriculum seeking feedback from first-year participants.
Conclusion
“Grief is intricately woven into the fabric of human experience” (Peterson & Goldberg, 2016, p. 198). Its presence need not interfere with the joy and excitement of that experience but must be acknowledged and resolved so that the individual can move forward in a place of certainty and calm. For the first-year college student, as with all young adults transitioning toward adulthood, this individual and family task creates a foundation to honor what has been left, what has been recreated, and what will support that individual, as they move to discover the new challenges and triumphs in life.
Footnotes
Declaration of Conflicting Interests
The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Funding
The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
